I am NOT June Cleaver

How June Cleaver did it is beyond me. (well I know she is a TV Character and I know she is not real, so please do not think I am crazy)
But I know women who are reall like June Cleaver. They always look nice. They always wear makeup and jewelry. Their hair is usually coiffed, nails manicured, toenails pedicured. They have a nice house, nice kids, cook Breakfast every morning, dinner every night and in between clean, sew, knit, socialize, run charity events and workout.

I on the stark contrast, roll out of bed, throw on something that isnt TOO wrinkled or looks like it came from a Hobo's dirty bandana- and-stick suitcase.
I shower at night, go to bed with wet hair and wake up with white girl afro. I usually have a ponytail to disguise said afro, and never wear makeup.

Breakfast usually consists of anyone of the three:
1. poptarts.
2. cold cereal, usually ending in charms, pebbles, pops, smacks or crisp
3. pancakes at Bob Evans

Lunch consists of sandwiches, nachos or some sort of boxed pasta. Pretty original I know.
Peters lunch is whipped together from a frozen uncrustables PB&J sandwich, a juicebox, and pre bagged snacks from the store. I dont wash, cut, chop or process anything. I am a lazy mom.

Dinner I can whip together if I manage to remember to take something out of the freezer. I am not one to make tuna casserole or grilled cheese if I forget to thaw the meat. But I wont lie, we have eaten our fair share of fish sticks, tater tots, sandwiches and cold cereal for dinner.

I try and keep the house clean, but I feel it is a losing proposition. I get it clean and shiny and sparkly and organized and 37.8 seconds later it is a pit of doom and despair, thanks to my two hurricanes(Finn and Peter), a dog and a husband who doesnt know what a clothes hamper is.

This morning I walked downstairs and noted 4 socks, 2 shirts, an undershirt, 2 pairs of jeans and 4 pairs on underwear in the hall...INCHES from the clothes hamper.
In the kitchen I saw mail just piled up from weeks of neglect and abuse. The table was covered in my work and projects that I hadnt had a chance to clean up yet. The sink was full of last nights dishes and food processor, and the bottom level of the houe was a den of transformers and kids toys and dog hair.

I cleaned on Saturday. I straightened on monday. I go out of town monday night and got home last night. I kind of ignored the house when I got home, as I was tired from driving and just so glad to be home again. I got up this morning and just shook my head in disbelief.

I am up to my armpits in housework today.

I cant tell you the last time I had a manicure. I would probably just bite the nails off anyways...
I CAN tell you the last time I had a pedicure...September 2005.

I am in a sad, pathetic state right now my friends.
I wish I could say that I had some pressing business and active social life..I dont. I really have no excuse. Itis pure laziness sometimes.
If being a mom and homemaker were a job in the world with managers and supervisors etc, I would totally be fired. Somedays I just want to ist and read a book, or watch a movie or go shopping. I have no desire to cook, clean, nurture, make beds etc.
Is that terrible??

Oh well, time to wrestle with a vacuum and put away laundry(the bane of my existence)
faretheewell my friends. I shall post more tomorrow...from a clean and sparkly house.

Stop your squealing and say cheese!

Whilst "organizing"(read, finally cleaning out the photo drawer) I stumbled upon a picture that really made me laugh.

It was Taken in August of 1997, just weeks before DH and I were married. I was up visiting from North Carolina, putting all of the furniture and wedding gifts and goodies into our future apartment. I was staying with his parents, sleeping in the basement on a matress (which was the best place to sleep as it was the coolest part in the house and the weather outside was hot and humid).

At that time, DH was working 2nd shift to earn some extra money. One night he got home about 2am. He came downstairs to say good night and turned on the light. What happened next, I honestly do not know. All I know is I hear scuffling and a few curse words and flutter flutter flutter . I pop up and ask "whats wrong?"

I hear yelling from somewhere behind me "Lay down! Stay Down!"

Charles hurtles up the stairs at Superhuman speed(I dont think I have seen him move this fast in almost 11 years) and re-emerges several minutes later. He is wearing a pair of gloves and carrying what looks a pillowcase taped the the end of a broomstick. He turns on the light and the racket starts up again.

Charles gets to work. After a minute of jumping and swinging the redneck butterfly net, there is victory at last.

He reaches in and grabs the intruder. It is a little brown Bat that somehow got into the house(probably through the open window in the kitchen) and flew downstairs into the cooler basement, where he was minding his own business when my husband intruded.

Trhoughout this entire ordeal, there was a high pitched "squealing". Charles yells to me "Hey! Get the camera!!" I pulled out the trusty 35mm, point, aim and shoot.

this is what developed.(ignore the terrible picture of DH who turns on the cheese smile whenever a camera is near. You should see our wedding pictures. I swear the velveeta conventon was in town. But I digress.)

We got them developed and like most pictures, tossed the envelope onto the table for later perusal. A few days later as we were going through the pictures I looked a little more closely at the memento of our adventure. That bat was SMILING! This picture shows that the bat stopped struggling, cocked his little bat head and smiled for the photo.(Not really, but I like to think so)

You can see it a little better here:

What makes the whole thing so funny is that both the Bat AND Charles have the same smile.

Say Cheese!