Summer number crunching

Schools out for summer. I have both kids home with me all day every day for the next 10.5 weeks.

By the end of this summer I plan to be 30 pounds lighter and 6 shades darker.

I will have gone to Chattanooga, Tennessee and Virginia Beach, Virginia, all in all a total of 1500 miles and 4 tanks of gas, spending an average of $58.35 per tank of gas.

I will have kicked my kids out of the house 1,972 times and heard "Im bored, when can we go to the pool?" 4,352 times.

I will have yelled at Finn "Turn off that hose, don't you know we're in the middle of a drought!"an average of 9,310 times.

I will have to buy 3 new pairs of goggles, as the kids will have left out the old pairs for the dogs to chew up. And every time I will say "This is the LAST pair I am buying, do you understand me??"

I will cook out hot dogs and hamburgers on my new grill 27 times and every time swear it is the last. "It is just too hot outside to be standing over a propane grill. so enjoy these hot dogs and hamburgers because I am never doing it again!"

I will run to the mailbox barefoot 72 times, cursing and jumping and ooh oohh ahh ahhh every step of the way

I will then get yelled at 5 times by the lady I will get my pedicures from for having dried, burnt skin on the bottom of my feet.

I will have an average of 4 different toenail colors throughout the summer and 3 different hair colors, depending on the strength of the chlorine in the pool and the help of the sun.

I will burn through 3 pairs of cheap flip flops 2 beach totes and 4 cans of spray on sunscreen

I will make fun of 122 people at the pool

450 people will make fun of me

I will have the air conditioner running 24 hours a day 7 days a week and have an electric bill of $200 a month.

We will burn through 50 frozen otter pops and 1 watermelon a week

I will step outside and say "ahhh, it is so hot!" 982 times then shake my hands, stick out my tongue and immediately feel sticky and gross.

I will yell at my kids "Shut that darn door! We are not air conditioning the neighborhood!" 9,522 times and with each time think to myself "I just sounded like my mother".

I will shave my legs 150 times, which is 4 times as much as they get done the rest of the entire year combined.

I will go through 3 bottles of moisturizing lotion, 2 bottles of aloe skin repair for sunburn and 2 tubes of cellulite firming cream.

By the end of the summer I will have purchased 6 pairs of kids sandals/aqua socks/shoes, 4 new pairs of swim trunks, and an average of 10 pairs of shorts and 16 new T shirts.

My food Bill will double as the summer brings out growing boys and appetites of elephants.

This summer Peter will turn 8.

This summer Finn will turn 5.

This summer I will turn 32.( My one consolation is that LINDSEY and DAWN got there first!!)

So all in all this summer will be pretty good. If I can just keep a grip on the math, I think I will survive!

HAPPY SUMMER Y'ALL!

My week in a nutshell

Just a few things from this week

THE POOL

1. Just because they make a bikini in your size, that does not mean you should wear it.

2. Girl in the orange floral bikini- YOU need a bikini that is 2 times BIGGER. Your bottoms are so tight you have a muffin top. Your top is so small your giant bazoongas are popping out like Pam Anderson. I have kids and would prefer pimply lifeguard to pay attention to them instead of trying to sneak a peek at your girls unleashed.

3. Boys who think they are studly- White bathing trunks are see through. You arent as impressive as you THINK you are.

4. If you are as hairy as a silverback gorilla, I suggest investing in some back wax. Seriously. Your girls can ride you like a bareback horse, grabbing your back hair as they would a horses mane.

5. To the snotty, overskinny, REALLY white lady in the ugly bikini and stupid Bug eye sunglasses: yes my kid threw up. He swallowed water which made him gag and he was running to the bathroom when it all came out. At least it was on the sidewalk and NOT in the pool. At least I put chairs around it and told someone and asked if I could help clean it up. They told me not to worry about it. So dont sit there in the snack area moaning and complaining and being completely ugly about it. I know you did not realize it was me, but when you call my kid germy and disgusting, it's personal. He was not sick from the flu. He was not germy from some sort of disease that I ("what kind of mother brings their sick kid to the pool and then makes someone else clean it up-she should be shot") didnt have him innoculated against. We were swimming in the deep end together and playing around. He swallowed too much water and it made him throw up. Your kid isnt going to get Hepatitis or any other germ that us white trash mothers let our kids get. So dont think I didnt hear you and immeditely place you and your friend on my poop list.

SALSA: I made salsa yesterday. I wish I could say it was from my garden, but it wasnt. We were really hankering for some good salsa. So here is Salsa Making 101. I dont really have any set measurments.

I dice a TON tomatoes and add a large can of whole tomatoes(drained). I would say probably 10 cups of diced tomatoes. I used 3/4 of a LARGE sweet onion, chopped pretty well. I added 3 chopped jalapenos, a TON of garlic(about 4 TBSP), and eyeballed the cumin, cilantro, salt and pepper. I added juice from 1/2 a large lemon as well.

Mix together and I used an immersion hand blender to semi-puree it until It looked like this:

Put into a large container, or containers, and put in fridge. Let it sit for at least 24 hours before eating it and making adjustments.

The jalapenos were really potent and the oils from the peppers stayed on my hands and made my whole night pretty miserable. My hands and nails and nailbeds were on fire. I tired everything. I even googled solutions. I tried rubbing a lemon on them. I tired pouring vinegar over them. I tried using dishsoap with no water. I even rubbed my hands with a piece of dry bread. It really was miserable.

SCHOOL:

today is Peters last day of school. I mean he has school on Monday, but they are just having parties and pizza etc.
We have a busy sumemr ahead of us and then at the End of August Peter goes into 2nd grade and Finn starts Kindergarten.

CLEANING:

Well I got the craft/computer room done. I then decided to get a little crazy and re-arrange some things in the family room. It looks much better PLUS It forced me to organize my bookshelves and vacuum around Jakes crate.


FREECYCLE:
We got rid of 2 tables, a Total Body Gym, an old computer, a Web Cam and have a few other things listed . They will be getting a good home instead of going into a landfill and I dont have to haul myself over to goodwill (a whole 3 miles).
Next I will be tackling the guest bedroom... THAT will be a chore.


So that was a portion of my week. Hopefully next week will be a little more exciting. Happy weekend!