I think we are so obsessed with finding that magic button, you know? Finding that THING that can make us "happy". Is it a new car? Is it a big fancy house? Is it going on exotic vacations? Is it being skinny? Is it having a lot of money? For some...yes. For others being happy means having a good spouse to build a life with. Having healthy children and making memories. Having everything you need. serving others. And for others being happy means just not being unhappy. They dont particularly care what it all entails but as long as they dont struggle, they are good to go. Happiness is one of those things that is not the same. It is not a one size fits all deal. My happy is not the same as your happy and vice versa.
So how do we find that happy?...we dont. We don't find anything. It isnt something that is going to magically appear without any effort. You cant just press a button and be content with the way your life is going. You need a direction and need to find out how to head that way. Everything we do contributes to the positive and negative in our life. Every single thing we do has a reaction and consequence. External forces applied to us can cause happy or unhappy and how we deal with it and process it matters. I can have something terrible happen to me, and depending on my mindset and how I choose to deal with it determines how I let it affect my life. Easier said than done though, right?
There are days I wake up and I just want to stay in bed crying, covers pulled over my head and forget about the world. I want to eat a gallon of ice cream and watch Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Making the team on endless loop. I dont want to be bothered with husband or son or even my sweet little fluffer dog. But I get up. I put on a smile that maybe sometimes doesnt match my inside and I FIND SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR!! It is amazing what flipping the mindset can do for an attitude. Sometimes it is really hard to come up with something. Sometimes it is something as basic as "I am grateful that this toilet paper is so soft !" or "I am grateful that my son put his shoes away in the closet instead of leaving them out on the floor". One day last week I felt so foul. I was just in a mood. I woke up just on the wrong side of the bed, everything was going wrong, I couldnt figure out anything to be grateful for. Satan was really tempting me. I opened the sliding glass door, stepped out onto the patio and struggled. I happened to look over and saw my fat orange cat rolling in the rocks and he just looked at me with adoration and love and I just thought "I am grateful that at least he loves me". Then it was like a rolling stone gathering moss. Then I was grateful for a nice cool crisp morning, and then it was the fact that I can see the mountains every day, then it was my new chair, then it was the laundry my husband had folded for me, then it was a glass of the most amazing chocolate milk from the nearby dairy, then it was xyz, then xyz, then xyz. I was able to make it happen.
FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT...OR FAKE IT UNTIL IT BECOMES SO. I find that once you have a positive thought in your head, it is easy to keep finding little victories throughout the day. I struggle with depression and anxiety more often than I would like to admit. I find that finding the positive side to even the most mundane stuff can really help make things seem a little better. It's a bunch of small victories. One morning I had to dig deep and was grateful that my dish soap smelled so nice. One time I was grateful for my ungratefulness. It helped me realize without the bitter we couldnt know what the sweet was like. and it is OK to struggle to find things to be happy about some days. Without the dark we cant know light.
Another way to look at Making a happy life is to figure out what you want, and making a plan to get those things you want. I love to travel and go on vacation...but sometimes my budget says "Woah, slow down there pal! You have x-y-z you have to take care of first!". So, I figure out a way to tweak a few things, maybe not go out to eat as much, dont get a giant bucket of popcorn at the movies (pre-covid of course). When I was working full time, as soon as I would get home all my cash tips would get divvied up and a portion would go towards a vacation jar and the rest would go for groceries, gas, whatever. But i always made sure I put a little something in that jar every day, because I was working towards that goal of going somewhere. Most days it was at least 20, and some days it was only 5$, once or twice I only put in 2 dollars, depending on how bad of a cash day I had. BUT I MADE IT HAPPEN. That was what I did to make my happy happen, AND still take care of my responsibilities. Was it easy? No. Was it worth it. Yes. There were some days I wanted to raid that vacation jar so bad and go splurge on something else, justify to myself "Well it's my money and vacation is still like 4 months away, I can replace that by then..." And some days I did raid the jar a little, and then when I went on vacation I would think "Just think of what else I could have done with that extra 100$ I stole out of my jar". Dont do that to yourself. sometimes if it doesn't hurt it isn't worth it.
Sometimes we have things happen that are beyond our control, but it is our reaction to them that will determine where we end up. DO we dig ourselves into a pit, or do we rise above and learn and become stronger? Do we shrink and cry and let it beat us, or do we stand up and go forth and help others with the same struggles? How will you let circumstances determine your happy life?
SO to quote Dr Who " Chin up, shoulders back. Lets see what we're made of, you and I".
What are some things that YOU do to hep make a happy life?
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