Visions, Trips and Crowded Rooms

Watching a loved one die is a terrible thing to have to go through. In July 2015, after having severe pain in his back , my sweet father was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. A scan showed lesions on his spine. At the time he was told "Oh it is totally treatable, this is something you die with, not from.  They have made such advances in medical care this is survivable..." 

A few months later as Chemo was taking it's ugly toll on his body, he would get so nauseated and couldnt drink or eat. This in turn caused his underlying heart condition (A-Fib) to flare up, making him even worse. He was in the hospital for weeks at a time, one thing after another. They would stop the chemo and other injections and after a week ro so he would feel better and get to come home. Then once chemo started back up everything would go back the way it was.  He lost 50 or more pounds, couldn barely walk from the kitchen table to the living room chair without passing out. He was a shell of the man I knew the past 40 years.   After spending Thanksgiving and almost Christmas in the hospital (AGAIN),  he and my mom made the difficult decision to end chemo and treatment.  For my dad it was quality over quantity, and he didnt want to spend the rest of his life in a hospital bed, poked and prodded by nurses and doctors. He wanted to be in the comfort of his own home with his family.   They arranged hospice service and the nurse would come in a few times a week, adjust any meds etc.  My husband and I spent many many hours over at my parents house, spending time with my dad, helping him with the most basic of tasks, helping my mom with things she needed to get done.  

Feb 2016 the Panthers were playing in the Superbowl. Now, living in Charlotte it was  a HUGE deal.  My brother and his family came over to watch the game, and even my oldest brother and his wife drove down from Cleveland OH to visit. They knew the end was getting near.  That night we watched our team lose, and noticed my dad was very lethargic and just not himself.  My mother noticed his urine output was very decreased,  and had been all day.  

The next morning hospice nurse came and noticed zero urine output, his kidneys had shut down and he had about 72 hours to live at most.

That night my brother and sister in law and I stayed in his room, just talking and being there with him.  He started to speak gibberish. In his mind it made sense.  As we were in there something changed.  He got a strange look on his face. He almost lit up and smiled.  He said something like "What a beautiful park!". he was talking about the most beautiful park he had ever been to, and he and my sister in law were walking in this park together and they came to a bridge.  She asked him to describe it, and he said there was a big bridge ad then he started waving around the room to people. He said "Oh my friends! My friends are here!  I havent seen them in forever! I want to go see them!" He had a huge happy smile on his face and started to wave at them. It was a burst of energy like he hadnt had in 6 months, and  he just looked so happy.  My mom came into the room and he was telling her about the park and the bridge.  He asked her if he could go see his friends, but they were on the other side of the bridge.  She said "Well of course you can go see your friends".  He got a very serious look on his face and asked in almost an incredulous voice "You'll let me go? It's ok if I go see them?"    It was at that very moment that I knew he was talking about more than just a bridge and seeing his friends.  This was more than just some deathbed hallucination.  My dads face was glowing with happiness and love. He was BEAMING!   He was asking my mothers permission if he could leave her alone in this mortal world and cross the bridge into paradise where his family and friends were waiting for him.  His mother whom he adored, his father that was a firm hand in his life,  his granddaughter that he only ever got to meet once, his grandfather who was a personal hero of his...and more. THAT'S who he was waving to, and those were the people welcoming him over.   He told his friends "Im coming!"

A little while later he fell asleep, and around 1 am we got the notice from my mom that he had passed. She came in to lie down next to him around 11pm, and at that time he had the horrible death rattle and almost a pained look on his face.  She kind of woke up at midnight and noticed he was in a deep sleep, nice even breaths, calm, no rattle, and looked peaceful.  At 1am she kind of startled awake, something had changed and noticed my dad had gone.  

I know that whole experience had changed his death experience from one of fear to one of peace and calm. I am convinced of the ministering of Angels.  

I am also convinced my dad was one who helped my son Peter to the other side.

A few weeks after Peter died I was having trouble sleeping, I was mad, I was sad, I was still in shock. About 3am I was up and just tossing and turning and crying. I was so worried about what Peter was feeling when he passed. Was he alone down in his room scared? Did he know what was happening? I was just a mess about it.  I felt a distinct calm come over me, almost a quiver and burst of energy and a radiating prickle over my whole body. I almost had a vision if you will. I literally  saw peter lie down on the floor and I heard my dads voice.  It was as if I was watching a replay and  he were in the same room, and it was clear as day.

DAD: Come on Slick, it's time to go.

PETER: What? WHat do you mean it's time to go?

DAD: It's time to leave, we need to go.

PETER: But my mom is going to be so sad if I go.

DAD: I know, but she will be fine. You have to come with me now. 

PETER: ok .

At this point the playback stopped and I went back to my regularly scheduled fits of sleep and crying. But after this incident, I felt strangely calm. I knew what I had seen was truth.  I cent describe how I know, but I just do.

My dad would call people "Slick" as a nickname, something he called me when I was younger and he would call the boys as a loving gesture.  Like "Whew slick, those shoes are FAST!"   I think he used the name Slick so Peter would know it was my dad, kind of a code word, kind of a way to let him know it was alright. 

I was crying, but still strangely comforted by this experience.

About 2 months after Peters death,  a friend lent me a book.  She was a volunteer for hospice and attended some training. She took me out to lunch and presented me with the book. She thought I could really get a lot out of it.  It's called 

VISIONS, TRIPS AND CROWDED ROOMS: WHO AND WHAT YOU SEE BEFORE YOU DIE

By David Kessler.

This book completely solidified and validated my experiences. 

From Amazon: "David Kessler, one of the most renowned experts on death and grief, takes on three uniquely shared experiences that challenge our ability to explain and fully understand the mystery of our final days. The first is "visions." As the dying lose sight of this world, some people appear to be looking into the world to come. The second shared experience is getting ready for a "trip." The phenomenon of preparing oneself for a journey isn’t new or unusual. In fact, during our loved ones’ last hours, they may often think of their impending death as a transition or journey. These trips may seem to us to be all about leaving, but for the dying, they may be more about arriving. Finally, the third phenomenon is "crowded rooms." The dying often talk about seeing a room full of people, as they constantly repeat the word crowded. In truth, we never die alone. Just as loving hands greeted us when we were born, so will loving arms embrace us when we die. In the tapestry of life and death, we may begin to see connections to the past that we missed in life. While death may look like a loss to the living, the last hours of a dying person may be filled with fullness rather than emptiness. In this fascinating book, which includes a new Afterword, Kessler brings us stunning stories from the bedsides of the dying that will educate, enlighten, and comfort us all.

As I read this book, I was brought an immense amount of comfort in knowing that my dad was not alone with he died (Spiritually and physically), and in knowing that Peter was not alone when he died.
I was so happy that she thought of me. 

Death of a loved one is never easy. Sometimes it may feel a relief, but it is never easy. There are always so many questions, and the more you think about it the more discouraged and sad and depressed you can become.  I found that after watching my dad and son pass I questioned my own mortality and eternal worth. Was there a heaven? What if we are all just fooling ourselves?  What if there isnt anything after we die, whats the point.  But the more I read these experiences, I saw the common link through it all...we have a loving father in heaven who will not leave us alone or scared when it is our turn. You just have to read it and have a permanent member of your bookshelf !   It is a great collection of experiences and stories of those who have gone through the same thing, the same thoughts, felt the same way. It is a quick read as well.  Death is one thing that unites us all. We all die. We all have loved ones that die.  This book helps comfort us in knowing that when we die we are NEVER alone. 

I HIGHLY recommend this book, the stories are collected from hospice workers, nurses, doctors, and loved ones who have experienced these phenomenon . It indeed educates, enlightens and comforts. I