Tuesday, January 3, 2017

2017

2017....I welcome you with open arms.

2016 was ROUGH.  I lost my dad. I lose my grandmother.
  I lost David Bowie and Prince and Alan Rickman and Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds and George Michael, and Prince, and, and ,and, and...  like seriously 2016, WTF?

I was forced to choose between Dumb and Dumber in the presidential elections.

I spent the last 4 months of 2015 and first 2 months of 2016 helping care for my dad, who was bed-ridden and dying. I suffered major depression and heartache. I gained back a large chunk of weight I had lost because I basically just didnt give a s*** anymore. My dad was my biggest champion and supporter, he told one of his best friends that having a daughter was one of the greatest blessings of his life and he was so proud of me.  I felt emotionally drained.
  I recently had a dream that I opened my front door and he was standing outside, down the walking path. I ran to him and we hugged and I cried and cried and cried and told him how much I missed him.  He told me he loved me and that he was proud of me and that he was ok and not to worry anymore.    I woke up in tears, yet strangely calm. I believe my dad visited me because I truly needed it.  I believe in the ministering of angels and my dad was one.

We didnt have a vacation last year.  Charles and I spent 1 1/2 days in Charleston SC for a mini getaway,.  It was fun, but not nearly long enough to recharge the batteries. I was physically drained.

I was called as 1st counselor in Relief Society at church.  This is a calling that has really stretched me and forced me to be more spiritually in tune.  I never realized how much of a load the presidency carries. I have realized that there is a heavy burden placed on the shoulders. You learn things about people and you really struggle with them and pray with them and for them and want to do all you can to help these women that you have grown to love and sometimes it is hard to turn that off.
You want to help them, and it hurts when you sometimes see them making bad choices and doing things that dont help their situations.  Some days I felt spiritually drained.

SO triple threat. Emotional,. Spiritual/Mental. Physical.

I have decided that first things first, I have to take care of Sarah.  Dentist, Pap Smear, Mammogram.
Eat healthier, exercise more.  I cant take care of others if I first dont take care of myself.  That is SUCH a hard lesson to learn, isnt it?

I have to respond to spiritual promptings immediately. I cant let it get away from me. I cant say "Oh later". I have to be better about listening and following those feelings and inspiration and thoughts.
I have to put myself in a more spiritual healthy environment.  I need to be better at reading scriptures. I need to be better at journaling. I need to be better at saying my personal daily prayers.  I need to be more spiritually prepared to combat the fiery darts of the adversary who tells me on a daily basis that I am worthless and that I cant do anything right. He tells me I am not good enough.  He tells me I am fat and lazy and so and so is a much better person than I am.  I have to do a better job at remembering who I am and remembering that I am the daughter of a king and I need to straighten my crown and  say Get Thee Behind Me Satan!
I need to go to the temple more often.

I need to work harder at being a better mother. I need more patience and kindness towards my children. Teenage boys are tough, and so is being the mother or teenage boys.
I need to do a better job of preparing them for the real world. I need to do better about teaching them laundry and cooking and cleaning. I need to help them save their money and remind them to pay their tithing. I need to be a better example to them. I need to spend more time with them one on one. Listen to them and what they want, need, think .  I need to get to know my kids better,.

I need to be a better wife.  I need to rely on my husband more. I need to trust that he can do things without me nagging and always going behind him and re-doing things. I need to reassure him daily that he is a great man and that I appreciate all his love and hard work, loyalty and dedication, I need to be more open and less stingy with my affection. I need to help him fulfill his potential and not be so protective of our time together. I think I hold him back in some ways.

I need to be a better friend. I need to let people know that I love and appreciate them on a more regular basis. I need to be the good example and the one that people know they can always turn to, talk to, rely on etc.  I want people to know that I wont judge, that I will do my best to listen and show compassion and help them in any way that I can.
At the same time I also need to learn to say NO.  I think sometimes we overextend ourselves. We say yes to everything and then it leaves us with very little in our vessels for ourselves and our families. I need to do a better job at balancing my life, organizing my time and prioritize my needs and wants.

I feel that 2017 is going to be a great year for me to expand my horizons, stretch my wings and fly.
baby steps, Sarah. Baby Steps.