Tuesday, December 30, 2008

I got yer mullet right here...

Yes, they still teach the dreaded Mullet.
Or in CLiC, it is called "The Renegade"
Whatever.A new name does not hide the fact that it still looks awful.

We are using our "Kyle" mannequin, who looks like a homeless person. He has long hair and a long beard. Since we have to get 5 haircuts out of Kyle, we can only cut off like 1-2 inches per haircut.

Although I completely rocked the Mullet(excuse me, "the RENEGADE") I am still a little embarassed that I know how to do it. Will people actually come in and request it? Will someone sit down in my chair and say "I wanna look like Achy Breaky heart". I doubt it, yet they still teach it. I guess we are in North Carolina, I may need to keep this one handy at the back of my mind to pull up in case of a mullet emergency.

However, since we could only take off an inch or so the overall look was a longer, fuller mullet.
Kyle has naturally bouncy and feathery hair, so in the end he ended up looking like Andy Gibb.

Now not everyones looked like Andy.
Some looked like Kenny Rogers. Some looked like Alabama, circa 1983.
One cut hers a little short and Kyle was rockin the 1982 Steve Perry of Journey cut. It brought a tear to my eye. I walked by and started singing "Don't Stop Believin'.." It was hot.


On a completely unrelated side note. I am totally ready to throw the Wii out the window.
It has become the latest obsession in our house. Man, Woman and CHild alike. It is horrible.
Wii, you are from the Devil.

Monday, December 29, 2008

A hairwrecker no longer


One of the great things about cosmetology school is the ability to recognize when i am about to forge a hair disaster upon my person.
Now that the haircutting curriculum is 3 days from its finale and I have learned all the proper techniques and angles and have the proper scissors. No more orange handled kitchen fiskars, no more cutting willy nilly and using my own "Sarah techniques". I can give a good and proper haircut...real partings, real angles, real knowna nd proven CLiC techniques. No more backroom mediocre hairdressing. This is the real deal. Christmas eve I gave Charles and the boys haircuts. They turned out very professional if I do say so myself (And i DO say so myself)


starting monday we are on color. thats semi permanent, permanent, frosting, highlights etc.
No more crappy dye from the Rite Aid, no more "do it yourself highlights" that leave large blobs at the roots. No more pink hair, orange hair, etc. No more "what have I done!!" moments. i am forever finished with frenetic phone calls to Lindsey saying "Lindsey, help I did something bad"

I have a special license that allows me to go to the stylist only stores and get the REAL stuff.

I can call upon my mad styling skills to keep me from ruining my hair from this moment henceforth. (or at least in 4 weeks henceforth when color is done with)

This fact alone is worth the $18,000 tuition.

I will use this power only for good. I will use this power to help heal other hairwreckers. I will use this power to help restore the hair of current hairwreckers.

This I do solemnly swear.

Happy Birthday Charles!

The big 35. wow. just...wow.
We were just children when we got married, how is it possible he is that old now? time flies.

So how did we celebrate?
well usually we go out to dinner, and I get him something silly, usually Yoda related, or a star wars themed potato head or pez dispenser(yes I realize i am enabling his dorkiness, I cant help it. I love this man o' mine: white, nerdy and all.)



So since his birthday fell on a sunday he asked me to prepare his favorite meal.: Lasagna.
Oh, and no cheating. I couldn't just go out and purchase a frozen one and call it a day. He wanted my "takes all day" lasagna. The kind that uses sausage and beef, homemade sauce and lots of ricotta and lots of mozzerella.
(I wish this picture was actually of my lasagna. Mine never looks that perfectly pretty when i cut into it. But it sure as heck tastes amazing. Thats one thing I am good at. Pasta dishes)


And he's going to need me to go ahead and get him a chocolate cake...that would be great, thaaaaanks (thats for all you Office Space fans out there).
Thank goodness for Harris Teeter. They have GREAT cakes in their bakery section, so he got the double fudge cake(which makes a great breakfast with a tall glass of ice cold milk) . It is rich moist devils food with fudgey frosting. I get heart palpitations just looking at it.

My parents came over and we ate lasagna and garlic bread and salad. We worked off some of the calories playing the wii(getting embarassingly whooped by a 5 and 8 year old) and then had a slice of Chocolate cake.

so all in all charles had a great day.
Carolina Panthers win + Homemade lasagna + Chocolate cake= great 35th birthday.
so thanks Panthers for helping a girl out!!

and Happy Birthday White and Nerdy. Here's to 35 more years of Lasagna and Chocolate cake!!



Tuesday, December 23, 2008

yesterday was a baking day

So after losing my temper with he who shall not be named, I came home and baked and baked and baked.
I made rice krispie treats, peppermint chocolate chip brownies(from scratch, I dont use a mix for my brownies), shortbread cookies(see previous entry for recipe) and Mormon Monster Chocolate Chip Cookies.

My roommates and I perfected a brownie recipe that to this day I have found no equal.(Diane remember those?? E_____ made a batch for D______ and she ate too many and blamed us for stealing her brownies?? Anyhoo side tangent.)

I substituted the Andes Peppermint Crunch baking chips for the second addition of chocolate chips.
Hallelujah, praise the Lord, Pass the Tax Rebate. They were FANTASTIC.

So in honor of the Christmas Spirit, here is the "Best Ever Brownie Recipe" with christmas alternative.


1/3 cup butter, softened
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 eggs
2/3 cup flour
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt

1 cup chocolate chips, melted
1 cup chocolate chips, whole

Combine flour, baking powder and salt. Set aside.
In mixing bowl combine butter and sugars until fluffy. Add vanilla and eggs, beating well.
Add the melted chocolate chips and stir until all combined.
Gradually add the flour mixture and mix well. Add the whole chocolate chips and fold in gently. Batter will be thick.
Pour into a greased 9x13 baking dish.
Bake at 350 for 30-35 minutes or until done. cool and sprinkle with powdered sugar (optional)

CHRISTMAS ALTERNATIVE: instead of adding a cup of whole chocolate chips at the end, add 1/3 cup chocolate chips and 3/4 cup of the Andes Peppermint Crunch baking chips.

I hope you enjoy. I have enjoyed posting many of my favorite Christmas cookie recipes. I really love baking during the holidays, and this has been a perfect way for me to share that with all of you.
I would just like to say a huge thank you to everyone who stops by and reads my blog.
Although I dont have the time I used to, please know that I still keep up with everyones blog who is in my sidebar.

Happy Holidays to all! This will be my last post until after Christmas. I have a lot going on at school and trying to get ready for Christmas. I have a pile of gifts that still need to be wrapped(ugh). So in order to get everything done that needs to be done, I will forgo my usually blogging in the morning to make time for a few things that are a little higher on my priority list for now.

Yet another christmas cookie recipe

Ok these are super easy, super simple Shortbread cookies.

1 cup butter, softened.
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1 tsp vanilla
2 1/2 to 3 cups flour

cream together butter, sugar and vanilla until fluffy.
Gradually add flour until you have a stiff dough. Do not overwork.

roll out to about 1/4" thick and cut into desired shapes.
Bake at 325 for 10-15 minutes or until edges are golden brown.

I just rolled them out and cut them into strips and then cut tham again so I had squares and rectangles.
They are just so simple and buttery and flaky and super easy to make.

Monday, December 22, 2008

To the person I yelled at today...

Today I lost my temper with a classmate. I gave this person a piece of my mind(a very LOUD piece of my mind...complete with a pointing finger, and the mother's "dont you talk while I am talking". I then stomped out and left for the day)
I was so livid I was SHAKING. I am still enraged thinking about the whole thing.
.
I would say I am sorry. But I am not.

christmas shopping is done

It feels so good to be done. I dont have to go out again into the mob of madness, clawing my way through hundreds of people all in the same aisles, all with carts trying to maneuver, all wanting to grab that last transformer, or the only Wall*E remote control robot.
done. DONE. Done with a capital D, shouted from the rooftops, with triple exclamation points.

DONE!!!!! It feels so good to write that word.

My parents I got the Blurb photo book. Then I went to Souper! Salad! and bought them a bag of their gingerbread bread that they can mix up and make at home. It is my moms favorite bread there, she could make an entire meal out of it.


The boys got a Wii. They got Kung Fu Panda. They got a few little mini transformers, some puzzles, Guess Who (are you Clarence??), Lincoln Logs, and some fuzzy Pajama Pants. Yes, they wanted some fleecy pajama bottoms. Actually asked for them. Who asks for pajamas? I thought that was a gift, kind of like socks. no one asks for them, they just get them as a practical gift from Grammy. But they wanted them. So I obliged. I found these heavy super snuggly polar fleece pajama pants (One Transformers, One Spiderman. Peter and Finn respectively) Then we bought them a pair of flannel pajama pants as well. So they will be warm and toasty this winter.


Charles is getting _____________ (hah. Charles reads my blog.)
I almost dont want to get him anything. He makes gift giving un-fun.
When we were dating He was wearing a pair of transparent socks. You know they had gotten threadbare to the point of being able to see through the heels. he had mentioned that he needed more socks. So as joke I went out and bought him a package of tube socks. I gave them to him and he immediately guessed "socks?". he hadnt even unwrapped them yet.

Same for boardgames , movies, CD's etc. It can be triple wrapped in a wierd sized decoy box shaped like a giraffe, and he can be like "Is this an MP3 player? "(And it would be) It is as if he can smell whats inside. Monsier Nez of Christmas gifts.

One Christmas I got him the Deluxe anniversary edition of Risk. The kind with the pewter soldiers, the velvet drawstring bags, the gold foil edging on the cards etc. The real swanky frou frou set. Well I wrapped it and then on Christmas he picked it up and said "did you get me Risk??"
I yanked it back and threw the box across the room and dented the wall. Those poor foot soliders didnt stand a chance against the fury that is a ruined Christmas gift heave ho.
I screamed in no uncertain terms what he can do with his game of Risk and stomped off. I should have taken it back to the store, to teach him a lesson. So I dont even try anymore.
I might as well just toss it under the tree unwrapped. He already knows what it is.
i think last year was the first time he didnt guess. Maybe he is finally learning his lesson.

Or maybe he is tired of patching up holes in the wall.


Either way I am happy. no more shopping.
NOW I just have to wrap everything...but thats another rant for another day.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Today is baking Day

Yes, today is Saturday. We went to a Breakfast in Bethlehem this morning at church. They had about 5 pounds of butter left over from their pancake breakfast, and were just going to throw it out.

We wrapped it up, brought it home and I am proceeding to spend the day making Snickerdoodles, brownies, Krispie treats and peppermint chocolate chip cookies.

totally not helping the diet, I know.

Friday, December 19, 2008

redwood table



The other day charles and I had to move something that looked like this (very similar) upstairs to our Piano room. It was our antique redwood slab coffee table. Charles parents got it in California back in the 60's. It is a giant slab of Redwood tree, polished, shines, shellacked and put on a base of more redwood tree. It is REALLY awesome and beautiful and unique. Our slab is thicker than the one shown here, and the base is a little shorter and a lot larger in diameter. Our table has lots or little natural holes that make little tunnels into the base section, which has lots of little caverns and slides. We picked up this table, which was approximately the weight of a newborn baby elephant and turned it sideways. We hear tumbling, and coins and more tumbling and out through the slides and holes and caverns of the base comes pouring out money, matchbox cars, marbles, magnets, candy, decorative vase rocks, paperclips...basically anything the boys could put down these holes and forgot to pull out. It was sick. I found a necklace that had gone missing, some bali silver beads that had gone the way of the Dodo, and about 22 broken crayon pieces....nice.
We struggled to get this behemoth table upstairs to the piano room. But we did it. It has a nice new home, looks beautiful and even more important, made room downstairs for THIS:

"God bless us, everyone".

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Beauty School Drop Out-Christmas in Tokyo

Here are some great pictures from school yesterday.
We had a Holiday Fantasy Hair Show.
Each class had to do a Holiday theme and do hair, make up and fashion.
It was fantasy, so we could have lots of fun with it.
We knew that everyone would be putting on prom dresses and doing up-do's on their hair, and we didnt want to go that route. We wanted to stand out and really stretch our creative wings.
so our class picked an Oriental theme and ran with it. We were CHRISTMAS IN TOKYO.
This is a little banner I made on a piece of Copier Paper and used Dry Erase Markers to make everything. Not great, I know, but it worked for our show. I taped two chopsticks on the back for handles and Curnel walked in front of our model around the school during the "catwalk".

Since we havent done nails in our curriculum yet, we just glued on the tips, without the acrylic, painted them red and left them dragon lady length. I took a black Sharpie marker and copied some symbols from a japanese paper lantern onto her nails. So who knows, maybe her nails are saying "Buy bread here" or "Twinkies are great". I also took some little red christmas bulb ornaments and wrote the same symbols on them and made her matching earrings.If my nails offend, I apologize, I was plagarizing the symbols from a picture from the internet. I did then best I could!!
We took a short bob wig, that you can see on the bottom and used that as our base. Then we took stockings and nylons and filled them with stuffing and covered them with other synthetic hair extensions and hair pieces. We made a giant bun on the bottom, then two other buns. Stacked them all together and sewed and glued it all together. Mimi and Bianca and Nakisha did a fantastic job getting it all together. They really went to town. Mimi is AMAZING with extensions and design. That is really her specialty.
I went to AC Moore and found a Poinsettia shrub(fake) for 50 cents. I pulled off the flowers and where the stem stuck through the flower was a hole. I put an extra large hair pin through the holes to make the poinsettia flower hairpins. Same with the little pearl and jewel picks coming out of the top of her head. Just cut up a 50 cent decorative christmas stem and wrapped it around hairpins. At lunch Amanda crossed 4 lanes of traffic(on foot) to go to the christmas lot across the street and ask for a sawed off branch from one of their christmas trees. They have it to her and we broke off twigs and arranged it in the wig as well. so not only did we make complete awesomness, we endanger life and limb for this show...)

You can kind of see it better here.


Lainey and I purloined some disposable chopsticks last time we went to China One for lunch. I wrapped them with red and green jewelry wire and acrylic beads to make some jeweled chopsticks for the hair.
The Final finished product! we put on a japanese song from Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift and got a TON of compliments. We were SO PROUD of how it turned out.

All the other classes had prom dresses and up do's. But one of the other classes went all out and spend like $90 on fake hair and styrofoam and all this stuff to make a Christmas tree and snowman and mrs Claus. Theirs was fantastic, BUT they have 18 students in their class, and they each chipped in $5 for their fashion show. We spent $1.10. Thats it. Between the 10 of us, we each did a little something to contribute. Everything was brought from home, stuff people already had etc. The only money spent was on the poinsettia and the christmas decorative stem.


The directors really liked it. But I dont think they realized how much time we spent on the wig and making everything. I dont think they realized that we spent NO MONEY putting together our show and theme. We have the smallest class in school and we were as awesome as the bigger class who spent a ton of money for theirs.

I am just really proud of this. These photos are going in my portfolio.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

ATTENTION ALL TWILIGHT FANS!


Found out this morning that NEW MOON will be coming out NOVEMBER 20, 2009!!

Girls, do we need to start planning another Movie and Pei Wei night??

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Snickerdoodles...stupid name, great cookie

Snickerdoodles Pictures, Images and Photos

I Love Snickerdoodles. I make them every holiday season. They are just so comforting and tasty. Nothing better than warm snickerdoodles and a glass of milk.
Stupid name, great cookie. These snickerdoodles, if kept in a tupperware, will stay soft and moist and not get hard like stale toast. The cinnamon to sugar ratio is just right, so there is no cinnamon overload. everyone should have these ingredients in their cupboards.
SO here is the greatest Snickerdoodle recipe I have ever found.

SNICKERDOODLES:

1 cup butter, softened
1 1/2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla
2 2/3 cups flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp salt


in a separate container, mix together 2 TBSP sugar and 2 1/2 tsp cinnamon and set aside for later use)

Cream together butter and sugar. Beat in eggs and vanilla, stir in flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt.
Dough will be sticky.
Dust hands with flour and roll heaping tsp of dough into balls.
Roll balls in the cinnamon/sugar mixture and place on UNGREASED baking sheet, 2" apart. DO NOT FLATTEN.

Bake at 400 degrees for 8-10 minutes or until edges have set and are a nice golden brown.

YUUUUUMMMMM!

Enjoy!

Monday, December 15, 2008

My Favorite Christmas Cookie


These are my FAVORITE holiday cookies. My grandma has been making these for as long as I can remember, as well as my mom. i make them every year and we cut out and decorate them. They are super good. They are similar to a sugar cookie, but a milder, less sweet taste. They are GREAT for holidays, you can make a ton and give some away...or eat them all yourself. It's up to you really. You can't eat just one.



HOLIDAY SOUR CREAM COOKIES

2 cups sugar

1 cup softened butter

3 eggs

1 cup sour cream

1 tsp baking soda

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp vanilla

5 cups+ flour

Cream together sugar, butter, eggs, vanilla and sour cream.
Gradually add in Soda, powder and flour.

Dough will be only slightly sticky, if it is too sticky add a little more flour.
Flour your rolling surface, your hands and your rolling pin.
Roll out dough thin(about 1/4") and cut out your shapes.

Place on greased baking sheet and bake at 400 degrees for 8-12 minutes, or until edges have set and are light golden brown.

When cooled, frost with your fave brand of icing and decorate with sprinkles, sugars etc.



Like I said these cookies have been around longer than I have. My mom said that my grandma has been making them even brfore I was born, so I know that this recipe has been around longer than 33 years. It's practically an antique. I guess I shall call them VINTAGE sour cream cookies, huh??(vintage, according to most, being older than 20 years.)

Try them, You will like them, you will like them Sam I am. AND this is the first time I have ever given out this recipe publicly.

Pictures from the year

Going back through the year I found some super cute pictures of the boys.
Little Finny Foo Foo is just so darn photogenic, I cant stand it.
I REALLY had to force myself to give them equal pages and pictures in the blurb photobook I made for my parents.
Peter CAN be photogenic if would truly just have a good time and smile and laugh like he means it.But I have managed to get a few good ones of him too.


This was taken at the Easter cook out with my parents and brothers and their families. Finn was so grumpy all day. He just didnt know what he wanted. This picture ssums up perfectly his attitude that day. Yes, he is just like his mother.





This picture of Peter was by pure accident. I had the camera ready and he happened to look up at me and snapped immediately. He didnt have time to grin or squint or close his eyes. Just Peter, having fun, making a cupcake.



This day at the zoo, completely downtrodden by Finn's "dontwannadoitearacheitis". He cried and whined for 4 hours straight. Kept saying his ear hurt (sometimes it was his right ear, sometimes it was his left). Then as soon as we got him he was jumping on the trampoline. It's funny how his condition always flares up when we are doing something that doesnt mesh with what he wants to do.

This is Jake, laughing at Charles attempt to kill the bee's nest in our backyard.


Peter trying out a saddle at the Horse Show. That night raised money for the UNC Childrens Hospital.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Merry Christmas-Studio 54 Style

I Like the Night Life, I love to Boogie.

Merry Christmas. Enjoy watching me shake my groove thang...

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Great Christmas Gift

I NEVER know what to get my parents for Christmas.
What do you get for the people who have everything? Honestly.

Every year I get my mom a sweater or shirt that never gets worn, or some pajamas that she says she wants that never get taken out of the box, or jewelry that she wears for promptly one day and then only breaks out every 6th year on months ending in "R".
Cookbooks? Dusty. Homemade Jams and Jellies? Uneaten. Handmade Bottle art (vinegar with the herbs and peppers in it)? undisplayed and unused.

And My dad...wow. He has a whole closet full of expensive ties that have never once been coordinated with his beautiful tailored suits. I have given him book gift certificates, which I KNOW have been re-gifted elsewhere, I tried getting him Golf coffee table Books, History Buff videos, make your own marinade kits etc. I always feel like a "Gift Failure".

I wish my dad could be like Lindseys dad, who giggles at the thought of a "Come to the Dark Side...We have Cookies" T-shirt, and who would willingly wear it in public.
Had I given my dad a T-shirt like that it would have been cut into strips and used to varnish their hardwood floors.

SO I really struggled this year to find the perfect gift for them. Something they would love and enjoy and use. One thing they LOVE are Peter and Finn. They have BOXES of pictures and are always asking for copies of pictures that we have taken and always want to see pictures from events etc. So the wheels started turning.
So THANK YOU to Heather, who told me about Blurb and showed me her Blog Book.
You can actually go onto Blurb and MAKE a book. You can make a Blog Book, (unfortunately Blurb no longer slurps from blogger, so you would have to cut and paste and add the pictures)
You can make your own cookbooks, photobooks, journals, wedding books and more.

So I made my parents a year in the life of the McBride family (mostly the boys).
It goes in Chronological Order up to the present, and I chose various picture formats for the different pages, added some captions and text, added titles for certain Pages, and voila.
A 50 page hardcover photobook that they can have for always. No gluing, no cutesy scrapbook tags and papers. Just upload the pictures, arrange, add text and submit.
It was super easy and fun. AND the perfect gift for them.

You can preview it HERE.

I think this is one gift that will get good use.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

anonymous comments

WAAAAAYYYY back in March I wrote a blog about Josiah Lemming.(here)
I said i dont understand his music. i dont understand why people were all in a tizzy about him.
I am not ashamed that I dont like him. I am not ashamed to admit that I dont think he is all that as a musician. You all know who I am, what I like, what I dont like, how old I am and what I am about. I am not embarassed to say that I, Sarah McBride, do not like Josiah Lemming. I never did, never will. The more I hear from him the more I get irritated. So I wrote about it. big whoop, over and done with.

Now fast forward nine months... I get THIS comment on that posting:

" I disagree...I think he is talented and has passion for music. You all must have such amazing talent to judge so harsh. You all must be bitter old ladies!"

Yep. I am a BITTER...OLD...LADY!
He still sucks. (in my amazingly talented bitter old lady humble opinion)

Oh and I am disabling my anonymous comment option. So if you want to say something snarky, then say it to me with your real name and not hide behind some "anonymous" front.
And I am moderating comments now. So thanks for the extra work...as if I dont have enough to do on my bitter old lady plate.

Honestly, I am too old for this High School BS.


so there.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Not just done, but Damn Done

100%!!

yay and phew.

the written test was really hard. Lots of tricky questions, funny wording and a few questions I completely guessed on. But I am done done done. I am "Damn Done"

When my roommate from college (Jackie)c finished her Radiation for cancer the first time, she had a "Damn Done" party.

Not just done, but "Damn done". That is kind of how I felt about fingerwaves and pin curls.

Buh-Bye.



I was looking through my computer this morning and realized I have so many great pictures from this year that I am going to do nothing but post a few pictures a day for the rest of the year,

For Christmas I am going to have a book published for my parents with all the different pictures from the year in it with little stories and descriptions

I think thats a fairly nice and reasonable gift.



Now just trying to figure out which ones I love, and which ones I hate and which ones to include so this little book doesnt turn into a $100 coffee table paperweight.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

last day of ethnic hair!!

I am so excited. Today is my last day of this darn curriculum!
For the past 3 weeks I have done nothing but Relaxers, Jheri Curls, Pressing, fingerwaves(shoot me now please), pin curls, marcel curls and corn rows.
I am SO out of my element with certain aspects of ethnic hair.
I can do a relaxer and Jheri curl with my eyes shut. I can hot press hair without causing the hair to melt, scorch or set off a fire alarm. I can use my marcel iron with the best of them and my popeye fore arm. I can even pin curl and corn row. And by golly your flat wrap will be the smoothest, flattest wrap ever.

But, i CANNOT fingerwave. I hate it. It sucks.It sucks. It sucks.
For 7 hours yesterday I fingerwaved. I recombed. I fingerwaved. I re-combed. I tried again and again and again. Finally in frustration I threw down my comb, cursed and bowled my mannequin head into my locker, like Janeen Garafolo in Mystery Men. I have had it.
Thankfully today is the last day of this darn curriculum. And I have it on very high authority that we almost NEVER do fingerwaves on the clinic floor.
Today is the final exit exam for the curriculum. I will be ace-ing my 33 question test (all about relaxers, ATG, Lye vs no-lye relaxers, curling etc) and Monday morning start Hair cutting.

I dont have school tomorrow, which will be a nice break to recoup.


When I own my own salon i am putting out a sign that says "If you even ASK for fingerwaves, you will owe me $50...then you will be kicked out".

Monday, December 1, 2008

Lindsey, thou art hilarious

So my BF Lindsey is a genius.
Remember the Potato Chip shaped like Illinois on e-bay a few months back that caused all the commotion in the media?
She has it topped, by a longshot.
And I fully expect to see her on the news, ET, Inside Edition, Extra, and The Soup.

Here is the full story. courtesy of Lindsey Aramburu:

"I'm a chocoholic, I admit it. I'm also over 30, and I've heard that's when the female body starts to produce its own fat (Which, by the by, I consider to be extremely unfair. We women have to deal with the other fairly provoking female internal workings, PLUS grow and push out the babies! Harumph.)
One fine day not too long ago, I was seized by the immediate need for chocolate. I'm sure you other chocoholics empathize. In an attempt to stay somewhat reasonably proportioned, (and having also heard that if you must ingest chocolate, peanut M&M's are a wise choice due to a lower fat and higher protein content) I purchased a large "tear 'n share" bag of peanut M&M's. (Did I plan to share? Not remotely! My kids stand the chance of losing phalanges if they stick their chubby fingers within reach of my gnashing teeth while I'm consuming chocolate.) These particular M&M's also happened to be pink Susan G. Komen M&M's, which made me feel even more sanctimonious about my choice. I'm supporting those who do not support breast cancer! I am great!
I happily sat down on the couch to enjoy my treat while watching the latest episode of "America's Next Top Model" (don't judge me). Suddenly, I noticed something strange about the M&M I had just extracted from the bag. It had a...protuberance. Upon further inspection, I discovered that the M&M looked incredibly like...like a boob. A breast. A mammary. It had an areola. And what looked just like a nipple. Was this a joke? Were all of the pink Susan G. Komen M&M's like this and I just had not noticed in my satiated chocoholic haze? I checked the other M&M's. None of the others had this anomoly.
I quickly read the package. Had I won something? Was this like Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket? Were they going to pay for me to get a boob job by one of the Dr. 90210's? No. It said nothing on the package about finding the boob M&M. I pondered my choices. I could do the obvious, which was eat it. On the other hand, what if that lady had eaten the grilled cheese Virgin Mary sandwich? She'd never have been able to buy herself an 8-person hot tub. (I'm not sure she did, but that's what I'd buy.)
After much introspection, I felt it incumbent upon me to share my discovery with the world, or at least with the English-speaking population who logs onto Ebay and looks up the weird and unusual.
So here you have it. What does it mean, you ask? That, my friends, is for each man or woman to decide for themselves.
And by the way, I expect highest congratulations regarding my own self-control for not consuming the M&M."

You can bid on this gloriousness here.