Thursday, August 27, 2009

The Worst Haircut i Ever Had

Last night at Book Club we were sitting around after the discussions and talking about hair, haircuts, bad hair etc. I told them all my "worst haircut I ever had" story and they all said I needed to blog it. So here goes: (just so you know this happened almost 11 years ago in Kentucky. It is still a little painful to talk about...)

I was almost 8 months pregnant with our daughter Jillian. I had long, curly, luxurious hair that in the middle of a sweltering, humid summer was making me crazy. Our Local Val-pak arrived and in the coupons I found one for Bo-Rics. (Home of the 7 dollar haircut). The thought started swirling in my brain that a haircut was a pretty great idea. After all I would be having a baby and shorter hair WOULD be a good idea. Charles was looking pretty shabby too, so we loaded up and headed to Bo-rics (home of the 7 dollar haircut...dont forget). Plus I had a COUPON! I was saving money! With a baby coming we needed to pinch pennies and tighten our belt. I was hellbent on a haircut and by golly charles was going to take me there to get it.
I had it in my mind what kind of haircut I wanted. SOmething cute and easy, like a bob, that was just a little shorter than my shoulders. I had planned on cutting off about 6 inches. I wanted it a little shorter than this picture, which was from a year previous:(cute huh?)
So we load up, drive to Bo-rics(home of the 7$ haircut) and I grab my coupon.
We walk in and see an empty salon and the two people working that day.

1. A middle aged man with the feathered MacGyver haircut. He was wearing khaki pants and a tan button down shirt. In fact he looked like he was on safari, minus the hat. His shirt was unbuttoned several buttons, showing his manly, hairy chest and a gold chain that I am quite positive was tangled in said manly hair.

2. A fat not-quite middle aged woman with a cameltoe, big frizzy permed hair and garish lipstick.
hmmmmm.
That should have been my first clue.

So MacGyver takes me back to the shampoo bowl and washes my hair. I told him exactly what I wanted, where I wanted it cut to.
He starts snipping away, and as he is cutting he is trying to even it up and it is getting shorter, and shorter and shorter. He would cut trying to even up the sides and kept making one side shorter than the other and then would go to the side that was longer and try and even THAT one up, finding it now shorter than the other side. When he finally got it right, my wet hair was now BARELY to the middle of my neck. I stared in the mirror, barely able to comprehend what had just happened. I crumpled the coupon in my hand, twisting it nervously, angry with myself for wrecking my hair...AGAIN.
Oh but wait, it gets worse.
So then MacGyver asks "Would you like bangs?"
me: uh, sure, just small so I can curl them down. Not too thick and not too short
MacGyver: Ok, can do!
MacG goes to work...snip, snip,snip.


I kept thinking "when did bangs start in the middle of my head?"

he just kept snipping. and snipping. And snipping. It looked like I had a dog and a litter of puppies on the floor around my chair. Every few minutes I would look down and a new puppy was added to the pile.
He swiveled the chair around and started blow drying my hair with his fingers. No brush. No comb. just fingers.
when he was done he swiveled me back to the mirror.


I looked.
It was gruesome.

THIS is what stared back at me:
I looked like Inigo Montoya. Only my hair, instead of shoulder length or shorter, was JUST UNDER MY EARS!It was halfway between my earlobes and the middle of my neck. It was half straight, half curly from the finger blow-dry. My bangs, did indeed, start from the middle of my head and one half went the right side, the other half humped up and over to the left side. I had a butt cut on the top and a short inigo montoya on the bottom. It was heinous.
I started to cry. I looked around for Charles, only to find him in cameltoes chair. She was giving him the "george clooney caesar" haircut. One problem. He isnt george clooney. Oh yeah and she wasnt even doing it right.
So he gets out of the chair, I out of mine, we pay WITH OUR COUPON.(it was all sweaty and crumpled from being twisted in my fist) We saved a grand total of 2$. So Bo-rics(home of the 7$ haircut) sent out a coupon "Save 2$ on your next haircut. Limit one per household". Yes, I paid FIVE WHOPPING DOLLARS for my haircut.
We run out to the car and I am crying, crying, crying. I am sobbing buckets about my hair.
Charles looks at me and starts laughing. "you look like Inigo Montoya!"
I am crying so hard now I am hiccup breathing and my fat pregnant face is swollen and red.
"Yeah, well you look like a fat non-George Clooney! Charles, why did you let me do this to my hair?"
"well, Sarah, you had a coupon and I couldnt stop you."
We started laughing and then I cried for 2 more days. I had to pin my bangs over to one side with bobby pins for 2 months until they started to grow out.
It was THE WORST HAIRCUT I have ever had.
Moral of the story: Pay more than 5$ for a haircut. If you cant, then find someone who doesnt look like they stepped out of a 1980's primetime drama or someone who doesnt wear so much hairspray you could light them on fire. And just because you HAVE a coupon, that doesnt mean you have to USE it.
Twist of irony here: I go to Empire Beauty School, which is owned by Empire education group.
Can you guess which hair-cutting place is owned by them?? Give you a hint. It is the home of the 7$ haircut.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

toast

Why is burnt toast so disappointing?
I had a few slices of french bread left that I wanted to use up before it went bad. I put them in the toaster, got out the butter, cinnamon and sugar and awaited eagerly my breakfast.
I love toast. There is just something so heartwarming about it. Sitting on your plate, staring up at you, the butter all melted and sliding into the cracks, the cinnamon and sugar kind of combining to make the perfect culinary experience.

I awaited the toastmaster and ran over when the familiar "pop" let me know my breakfast was ready.
I walk over, and blech. The top half of my toast was charred. The bottom half was perfect. So I cut off what I could and ate what was left. But it was diasppointing. I kept feeling like I could taste the burnt toast on my non-burnt portion.

So yes, I am disappointed. Burnt toast can also make you grouchy.
Just call me Oscar.

Monday, August 17, 2009

9 days? wow.

it has been too long, my friend.
I find myself lapsing in my attempt to blog.

So what has gone on since my last entry 9 days ago:

1. I lost my wallet. Well when I say LOST I mean, misplaced and forgot to grab it on my way out the door when I left school. On Friday afternoon after lunch I went to the dispensary, so karen could go to lunch. I brought my wallet with me, instead of leaving it on my station, unattended. In the dispensary I put it up on a shelf out of the way and went about the important task of painting my nails, while dispensing various sundries like foils, processing caps, relaxer, base etc. When Karen came back from lunch I went back to my station, sans wallet. I had completely forgotten about it. When it was time to leave I packed up and headed out the door. i went home, took a little snooze and when i woke up I decided to go to the gas station to fill up the van. As I pulled in and reached for my wallet, i realized it wasnt in the usual place. I went back home, looked EVERYWHERE for it. I could not find it. I retraced my steps 5 times. I went through every inch of my bag from school. It was nowhere. I was SICK about it. That night I couldnt sleep. In my dreams I kept dreaming about a shelf. When I woke up I went to the school and as soon as I walked through the door my dreams came back to me and I knew exactly where to look. On the top shelf in the dispensary with the booster seats for the child clients.

2. Peter had a Biopsy and heart catheterization on Tuesday. I drove with him up to UNC and he did so well. He has put on a few pounds. Put on an inch or so in height. His blood pressure was good. He took his "sleepy" medicine without a fight. He let them put the EMLA cream on his neck and on his thigh where the needles would be going in. He was SO GOOD about it. Of course 30 minutes later when the Verset had kicked in he was trying to talk to me and I couldnt understand a word he was saying. He sounded like an old drunk french man. I THINK he said something like "Can you pause my television show" but it came out "Dah paw teszhun so"
So I do what I do when I cant understand any of my clients in the salon, I smile, nod and say "uh huh"
We got the results on Friday. They were clean and he looks great. No change in meds, and they are really happy with how well he is doing. YAY!

3. My kids are in Michigan with my parents. They went up on Thursday to go visit my grandma and aunts and uncles. Then charles parents went up to virginia Beach and so THEY are gone right now as well. We have had the house to ourselves for the entire weekend. so we did what any could with a house to themselves would do: we slept in, we caught up on all the old shows gunking up our DVR, we went out for breakfast. It has been nice, but I am ready for my boys to come home. They will be back tomorrow.

4. I leave in less than a month for the cruise. I am just so excited. I am really looking forward to it. I would be more excited if I didnt feel like such a fat a** sometimes. sorry PMS talking. nothing fit yesterday and I just about threw poor charles out the sliding glass door when he asked "whats wrong with that last outfit you had on?" HELLO? Camel Toe.

5. I got an e-mail from a woman from LOPA (Louisiana Organ Procurement). They were wondering if we might be able to come to a conference in December. our donor family may be there as well. So who knows, I may get to go to Louisiana this December. It will be good to see them again, too. We havent seen each other in 3 years and I know they are itching to see Peter again. I am really hoping it works out.

6. The Vacation Nazi is itching for a project. As many of you know I am working REALLY hard to save 250 a month from paychecks/tips etc. that way every 2 years our family can take a nice trip together. I mean a NICE trip. Europe. South America. etc. I want to give my kids the appreciation of travel. The love of trying new things. The thrill of seeing something they could never in a million years see here in the USA. Or even going to various amazing places here in the USA. I need a project. So if you were thinking about going on a trip and need help planning it, let me know. I am going nuts.

7.I gave my dog a bath yesterday. It was amazing the amount of dirt and gunk that came off of him. I had no idea he was so dirty. But he is all squeaky clean, a new tube of K9 Advantix has been applied and his ears were cleaned out. He is good to go. Now I can take him to the vet on Friday for his kennel cough vaccination without embarassment.

8. No school on friday, which works perfectly for me! The boys have a meet and greet at their school friday to meet their new teachers and find their classrooms etc. so I will be able to take them. i am looking forward to that.

9. School starts back on the 25th!! I cant wait! cantwaitcantwaitcantwait.


thats about all in my life. need to work harder at keeping up on my blogging. gr.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Southern Speak

The other day my 9 year old exclaimed in jubilation , "ahhh whee-yin"
(I win)

I kind of stopped, shook my head and whipped around.
me: What did you say?
Peter: momma ah said Ah Whee-yin.
me: when did you start speaking with a southern accent?
Peter: all the other people around here do it, why cant I??(Speaking more normally in a sort of Nebraska/Utah/Kansas non affected way)

Thats a very good question. Why cant he? He was born in the south. He has spent the last 9 years in the south. He likes fried chicken, Jesus, Elvis and NASCAR. He is a southern Boy through and through. So what is my issue with boys and the southern accent?? Well there is a fine line when it comes to males and Southern Speak.
You either sound like Rhett Butler, all swoony and genteel and handsome...
or you are Larry the Cable Guy.

So as long as his little accent is more "Frankly My Dear I dont Give a Damn" and less "Git r Done" I may be OK with my son expanding his vocal repertoire with a more southern proclivity.
We'll see.



Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Literal Video-Journey Separate ways



I am a HUGE Journey Fan, and this is one of my favorite songs. I found this video first posted on List of the Day.
This video was made to Separate Ways and the lyrics are singing what the video depicts. The very end with Stever Perry singing NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO is the best part.
Very Clever. Made me laugh out loud.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Money money Money...(thanks ABBA)

If I were to save just a little money from every paycheck and save my tips, I would have enough money to have a really nice family trip every 3 years,.
I have been watching our budget like a hawk, sitting down every day to input everything on excel budget spreadsheet, and realizing that if we are somewhat careful we have all the money we need for bills, food and fun plus extra for savings.
Now If I can just curb my appetite for fabric, paper, ribbon, yarn, beads, shoes....