My week in a nutshell

Just a few things from this week

THE POOL

1. Just because they make a bikini in your size, that does not mean you should wear it.

2. Girl in the orange floral bikini- YOU need a bikini that is 2 times BIGGER. Your bottoms are so tight you have a muffin top. Your top is so small your giant bazoongas are popping out like Pam Anderson. I have kids and would prefer pimply lifeguard to pay attention to them instead of trying to sneak a peek at your girls unleashed.

3. Boys who think they are studly- White bathing trunks are see through. You arent as impressive as you THINK you are.

4. If you are as hairy as a silverback gorilla, I suggest investing in some back wax. Seriously. Your girls can ride you like a bareback horse, grabbing your back hair as they would a horses mane.

5. To the snotty, overskinny, REALLY white lady in the ugly bikini and stupid Bug eye sunglasses: yes my kid threw up. He swallowed water which made him gag and he was running to the bathroom when it all came out. At least it was on the sidewalk and NOT in the pool. At least I put chairs around it and told someone and asked if I could help clean it up. They told me not to worry about it. So dont sit there in the snack area moaning and complaining and being completely ugly about it. I know you did not realize it was me, but when you call my kid germy and disgusting, it's personal. He was not sick from the flu. He was not germy from some sort of disease that I ("what kind of mother brings their sick kid to the pool and then makes someone else clean it up-she should be shot") didnt have him innoculated against. We were swimming in the deep end together and playing around. He swallowed too much water and it made him throw up. Your kid isnt going to get Hepatitis or any other germ that us white trash mothers let our kids get. So dont think I didnt hear you and immeditely place you and your friend on my poop list.

SALSA: I made salsa yesterday. I wish I could say it was from my garden, but it wasnt. We were really hankering for some good salsa. So here is Salsa Making 101. I dont really have any set measurments.

I dice a TON tomatoes and add a large can of whole tomatoes(drained). I would say probably 10 cups of diced tomatoes. I used 3/4 of a LARGE sweet onion, chopped pretty well. I added 3 chopped jalapenos, a TON of garlic(about 4 TBSP), and eyeballed the cumin, cilantro, salt and pepper. I added juice from 1/2 a large lemon as well.

Mix together and I used an immersion hand blender to semi-puree it until It looked like this:

Put into a large container, or containers, and put in fridge. Let it sit for at least 24 hours before eating it and making adjustments.

The jalapenos were really potent and the oils from the peppers stayed on my hands and made my whole night pretty miserable. My hands and nails and nailbeds were on fire. I tired everything. I even googled solutions. I tried rubbing a lemon on them. I tired pouring vinegar over them. I tried using dishsoap with no water. I even rubbed my hands with a piece of dry bread. It really was miserable.

SCHOOL:

today is Peters last day of school. I mean he has school on Monday, but they are just having parties and pizza etc.
We have a busy sumemr ahead of us and then at the End of August Peter goes into 2nd grade and Finn starts Kindergarten.

CLEANING:

Well I got the craft/computer room done. I then decided to get a little crazy and re-arrange some things in the family room. It looks much better PLUS It forced me to organize my bookshelves and vacuum around Jakes crate.


FREECYCLE:
We got rid of 2 tables, a Total Body Gym, an old computer, a Web Cam and have a few other things listed . They will be getting a good home instead of going into a landfill and I dont have to haul myself over to goodwill (a whole 3 miles).
Next I will be tackling the guest bedroom... THAT will be a chore.


So that was a portion of my week. Hopefully next week will be a little more exciting. Happy weekend!

HOODWINKED

So my in-laws left yesterday morning after a very nice visit.(Thanks for the new back tires on the Galant, and for the dinner at La Unica)

All day friday and Saturday morning I was cleaning like a madwoman. I cleaned out all the bedrooms and changed sheets, swept and mopped the bathrooms, AND folded and put away the 4 baskets of heaping laundry! The house was spotless. even OCD clean freak that is my mother could find no fault. I was gone all the rest of Saturday and part of Sunday. When we got home Sunday there they were in our driveway IN THEIR GIGANTIC MOTOR HOME!

My Husband said to me ,"Oh yeah, they're in their motor home".

HE LIED TO ME! He KNEW they were going to be in their motor home and werent going to be sleeping in our house or needing to use our bathrooms etc. He "forgot" thats how they were now traveling. In fact they hardly spent any time in our house at all, except the kitchen and piano room, which are always spotlessly clean(as it is the main area of the house that everyone sees)

I turned to him, pointing my accusatory finger and said "It was a trick! You just wanted the rest of the house clean!"

A representative for Mr.McBride neither confirmed nor denied the claim.

how clean is your house

Ok I dont have much time. In fact I have to haul bootie this morning.

Tonight we are going to a teacher appreciation activity at our church. Tomorrow morning I will be packing, picking up Charles suit from the Alteration Shop, steaming it, shaving my legs, and driving up to Chapel Hill for the Gala at UNC Childrens Hospital. It is a swanky black tie fundrising gala and since Peter is the new ambassador we get to go for free. The menu looks AMAZING!
We will be home Sunday afternoon at which time my in laws are stopping by for a visit of undetermined length.

I am frantic, stressed, sweaty and stinky. I need to clean the bathrooms, change sheets, take out the trash, and go grocery shopping.

I have my mother calling and harassing me "Is your house clean? Dont want people to know you live in a pigsty".

My mother is a clean freak. You can eat off of her floors. Seriously.
When I was growing up we would have to clean the house BEFORE the maid got there. Isnt that kind of their job?? To clean the house? So why do I have to clean everything before they come and clean? You are paying them all this money to sit around and PRETEND to clean!

I cant ever invite my mom over to my house. She always finds invisible dust and makes me feel like a slovenly bum who lives in filth. Onetime she actually showed up on my doorstep with a bucket, mop and million cleaning chemicals. She scrubbed and cleaned and swept and vacuumed... and left the house looking exactly as it looked when she arrived.
She is constatly buying me mops(because the mop I have doesnt work properly apparently), cleaning supplies(ignoring my preference for green and earth friendly cleaning solutions) and giving me hints and tips on how to maximize my cleaning prowess.

now, I DO have a fairly clean and neat house. but she will find the ONE piece of lint on the carpet and point the finger as if to say "J'accuse!" She always manages to come over after the kids have been playing and scattered their toys across the rooms. She doesnt realize that I dont follow them around and pick up everything as soon as it hits the ground. Eventually it will all get tidied up and put away. It isnt that big of a priority for me to have a spotless house and "everything in it's place" 24/7. As long as I go to bed with a tidy house and can wake up with a tidy house I am fine.
Whenever we have people coming over(such as therpists or teachers etc) she will always make a comment like "I hope your house is clean, dont want them turning you into DSS"(dept of Social Services)

So my to do list is a million miles long, so I guess I had best get started. Dont want DSS coming to take my kids away for living in "squalor".

sheesh.