sometimes it is really hard

The other day I heard someone say
" You will always love your kids. But it is Ok to not like them sometimes"

There are days where I find this excessively true.
I LOVE my children. They are my flesh and blood. I carried them, birthed them, raised them, potty trained them, have sent them off to school and have seen them grow up a mile a minute.
I am constantly amazed by their accomplishments and how quickly they learn.
I am flabbergasted by Peters resilience and dumbfounded by Finns Natural Ham and Class clown abilities.
I am always laughing at things Finn says or does. Despite the fact that I am always getting notes home about him being a social butterfly, he is still a great kid. Actually when I was his age my parents were always getting notes home from the teacher "Sarah needs to concentrate on her own schoolwork instead of being concerned with others around her" or "Sarah needs to stop talking all the time" or "Sarah really needs to stay in her seat and focus on her schoolwork instead of cavorting around like a social butterfly". Honestly Finn and I could have had the exact same teacher. It is practically identical.
I am always proud of Peters improvements in school and never lets his disability get in his way.
I love the fact that peter will try anything once. He eats his fruits and vegetables and LIKES them. I love the fact that he has been working extra hard with his gym teacher working on his endurance and speed and has been doing so well.

But, I wont lie. There are times where I dont really LIKE my children. Days where one innocent bump with a hotwheels into the others transformer suddenly turns into an all out brawl with head butting, kidney punches and hair pulling.
Days where I ask them to do one little thing, like take their lunchbox out of their backpack and put it on the counter, and within moments i am a horrible mother, asking them to donate their left Kidney to needy children.
Days where Finn asks every 27.4 seconds "Mom can I play the Wii?". I say No and it is an all out cry-and-whine fest.
Days where I catch them on the trampoline jumping and crashing against the net on purpose because they are playing spiderman. Now I have a trampoline with a broken net and they cannot jump until I find zip-ties big enough to fix it.
Days where I cook dinner and immediately they say "ewwww I hate that" before even trying it.
Days where we stop by my parents house to drop something off and I tell them ahead of time "We are only here to drop this off. We are not going in, we are not staying" and as soon as they get there they leap out of the car and head into grandmas house. Then when I say "come on time to go" they launch into screaming, agony and endless woe. It is like leading them to the Guillotine.

I was watching Oprah a few years back and it had some stay at home moms on there who really told it like it was. They didnt lie and say ';Ohhhh I love my kids. I just LOOOOVVVEEE being home with them. I adore every precious second" and other platitudes.
Some of them said "Yeah, 10% it is fantastic and I love it. The other 90% sucks." one lady even said "I really hate it sometimes."
Of course she had on the opposing viewpoint who CLAIMED they always loved their kids and being a mom was their greatest joy in life and they never felt anything but absolute adoration and joy with their kids. BLAH BLAH BLAH and total BS.
REALLY?? I find that endlessly hard to believe. In fact I think that is a downright lie. I dont think it is possible to feel endless joy and nothing but wonderful goodness with your kids all the time. I think there must be sour so you can savor the sweet. I think women need to feel like we dont like our kids on occasion so when they do something amazing it is even more wonderful.

So honestly, although i will always love my kids unconditionally, I do not always have to like them.

And I dont even feel bad for saying that.

Dangling at the end of my proverbial rope

I have discovered my limit and it is 8.

"8 what?" I can hear you ask.

"mom...mom...mom...mom mom mom mom mom."

WHAT!! WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!

"uh I forgot."

I feel like Miss Hannigan in Annie: " Kill...KILL..KIIILLLLLLL!"

sigh. thats all.

I am NOT June Cleaver

How June Cleaver did it is beyond me. (well I know she is a TV Character and I know she is not real, so please do not think I am crazy)
But I know women who are reall like June Cleaver. They always look nice. They always wear makeup and jewelry. Their hair is usually coiffed, nails manicured, toenails pedicured. They have a nice house, nice kids, cook Breakfast every morning, dinner every night and in between clean, sew, knit, socialize, run charity events and workout.

I on the stark contrast, roll out of bed, throw on something that isnt TOO wrinkled or looks like it came from a Hobo's dirty bandana- and-stick suitcase.
I shower at night, go to bed with wet hair and wake up with white girl afro. I usually have a ponytail to disguise said afro, and never wear makeup.

Breakfast usually consists of anyone of the three:
1. poptarts.
2. cold cereal, usually ending in charms, pebbles, pops, smacks or crisp
3. pancakes at Bob Evans

Lunch consists of sandwiches, nachos or some sort of boxed pasta. Pretty original I know.
Peters lunch is whipped together from a frozen uncrustables PB&J sandwich, a juicebox, and pre bagged snacks from the store. I dont wash, cut, chop or process anything. I am a lazy mom.

Dinner I can whip together if I manage to remember to take something out of the freezer. I am not one to make tuna casserole or grilled cheese if I forget to thaw the meat. But I wont lie, we have eaten our fair share of fish sticks, tater tots, sandwiches and cold cereal for dinner.

I try and keep the house clean, but I feel it is a losing proposition. I get it clean and shiny and sparkly and organized and 37.8 seconds later it is a pit of doom and despair, thanks to my two hurricanes(Finn and Peter), a dog and a husband who doesnt know what a clothes hamper is.

This morning I walked downstairs and noted 4 socks, 2 shirts, an undershirt, 2 pairs of jeans and 4 pairs on underwear in the hall...INCHES from the clothes hamper.
In the kitchen I saw mail just piled up from weeks of neglect and abuse. The table was covered in my work and projects that I hadnt had a chance to clean up yet. The sink was full of last nights dishes and food processor, and the bottom level of the houe was a den of transformers and kids toys and dog hair.

I cleaned on Saturday. I straightened on monday. I go out of town monday night and got home last night. I kind of ignored the house when I got home, as I was tired from driving and just so glad to be home again. I got up this morning and just shook my head in disbelief.

I am up to my armpits in housework today.

I cant tell you the last time I had a manicure. I would probably just bite the nails off anyways...
I CAN tell you the last time I had a pedicure...September 2005.

I am in a sad, pathetic state right now my friends.
I wish I could say that I had some pressing business and active social life..I dont. I really have no excuse. Itis pure laziness sometimes.
If being a mom and homemaker were a job in the world with managers and supervisors etc, I would totally be fired. Somedays I just want to ist and read a book, or watch a movie or go shopping. I have no desire to cook, clean, nurture, make beds etc.
Is that terrible??

Oh well, time to wrestle with a vacuum and put away laundry(the bane of my existence)
faretheewell my friends. I shall post more tomorrow...from a clean and sparkly house.