Sunday, April 19, 2009

sometimes it is really hard

The other day I heard someone say
" You will always love your kids. But it is Ok to not like them sometimes"

There are days where I find this excessively true.
I LOVE my children. They are my flesh and blood. I carried them, birthed them, raised them, potty trained them, have sent them off to school and have seen them grow up a mile a minute.
I am constantly amazed by their accomplishments and how quickly they learn.
I am flabbergasted by Peters resilience and dumbfounded by Finns Natural Ham and Class clown abilities.
I am always laughing at things Finn says or does. Despite the fact that I am always getting notes home about him being a social butterfly, he is still a great kid. Actually when I was his age my parents were always getting notes home from the teacher "Sarah needs to concentrate on her own schoolwork instead of being concerned with others around her" or "Sarah needs to stop talking all the time" or "Sarah really needs to stay in her seat and focus on her schoolwork instead of cavorting around like a social butterfly". Honestly Finn and I could have had the exact same teacher. It is practically identical.
I am always proud of Peters improvements in school and never lets his disability get in his way.
I love the fact that peter will try anything once. He eats his fruits and vegetables and LIKES them. I love the fact that he has been working extra hard with his gym teacher working on his endurance and speed and has been doing so well.

But, I wont lie. There are times where I dont really LIKE my children. Days where one innocent bump with a hotwheels into the others transformer suddenly turns into an all out brawl with head butting, kidney punches and hair pulling.
Days where I ask them to do one little thing, like take their lunchbox out of their backpack and put it on the counter, and within moments i am a horrible mother, asking them to donate their left Kidney to needy children.
Days where Finn asks every 27.4 seconds "Mom can I play the Wii?". I say No and it is an all out cry-and-whine fest.
Days where I catch them on the trampoline jumping and crashing against the net on purpose because they are playing spiderman. Now I have a trampoline with a broken net and they cannot jump until I find zip-ties big enough to fix it.
Days where I cook dinner and immediately they say "ewwww I hate that" before even trying it.
Days where we stop by my parents house to drop something off and I tell them ahead of time "We are only here to drop this off. We are not going in, we are not staying" and as soon as they get there they leap out of the car and head into grandmas house. Then when I say "come on time to go" they launch into screaming, agony and endless woe. It is like leading them to the Guillotine.

I was watching Oprah a few years back and it had some stay at home moms on there who really told it like it was. They didnt lie and say ';Ohhhh I love my kids. I just LOOOOVVVEEE being home with them. I adore every precious second" and other platitudes.
Some of them said "Yeah, 10% it is fantastic and I love it. The other 90% sucks." one lady even said "I really hate it sometimes."
Of course she had on the opposing viewpoint who CLAIMED they always loved their kids and being a mom was their greatest joy in life and they never felt anything but absolute adoration and joy with their kids. BLAH BLAH BLAH and total BS.
REALLY?? I find that endlessly hard to believe. In fact I think that is a downright lie. I dont think it is possible to feel endless joy and nothing but wonderful goodness with your kids all the time. I think there must be sour so you can savor the sweet. I think women need to feel like we dont like our kids on occasion so when they do something amazing it is even more wonderful.

So honestly, although i will always love my kids unconditionally, I do not always have to like them.

And I dont even feel bad for saying that.
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