Monday, April 4, 2011

today is the first day of the rest of forever...

So I am striving to be a better person. 
I want to be healthier, happier, more spiritually minded.

I feel like over the past few months I have really started losing focus on what is truly important.
I work all day, come home at night and go to bed. The next morning I start all over again.
I feel like I have extra time in my day that i COULD take to do important things.  But I dont,.
I admit, I am selfish and lazy when it comes to things like that.

i COULD get up an extra 15 minutes early and read my scriptures.  Sure, I could instead of laying in bed looking at the ceiling and alarm clock. Im usually up 15-20 minutes before the alarm goes off anyways, so why do I have such a hard time getting out of bed and reading something edifying and fulfilling? Why do I feel the need to stay in bed when I am not asleep?? Why CANT I get up and do it. I know I need to.

I COULD work harder with my kids on reading the scriptures and developing their love of God and Christ. I could take some extra time and help them develop that stronger bond. I could take the time and work harder at doing family Home Evening more often. I could take the time and just read with them and snuggle with them and play with them.  But I dont. Im horrible.  They want to go to the park, and I want to lay on the couch after a long day at work.  They want to go outside and ride their bikes and I dont want to be bothered being out there watching them and keeping an eye on them.  they want me to jump on the trampoline with them and I make up excuses as to why I cant.

I COULD eat healthy and cook dinner and do the things that I need to.  But honestly it is easier to go out to eat . I COULD keep the house clean, but I'd rather watch netflix instead of folding laundry, or mopping the floor on my day of.  I'd rather bum off the chores to someone else because I am too tired, or too busy.
 I COULD exercise and take my kids to the YMCA with me in the evenings. They have been bugging me to do it.   They want to go.  They want to go to swim lessons, and play soccer in a league.  and guess who has been too "busy" to sign them up or do it?  Me. 

This morning I had an epiphany. I realized that My kids are almost 11 and 8. I feel like they were just babies not that long ago.  I woke up with a horrible realization that I am MISSING my kids. I am MISSING their milestones and progress. I am mising the times that they want to be with me.  In a few years I am going to be an embarassment, and not someone they want to do things with. They wont want to go to the park, or for a walk, or ride their bikes.  I will have missed it and it is my own fault.
The only thing holding them back IS ME!  I am the failure and at fault. I have really decided to take the time and make the time for them.  I dont want them to grow up and look back and say "My mom was cool and all, but she was always tired and never did anything with us".  I want them to say "wow. My mom worked full time, but we always had dinner and healthy snacks, we always went to the Y, she made sure we had swimming lessons and soccer and other things like that. She spent time with us and helped us with everything. She was awesome".

So today I woke up with a renewed spirit. A vigor and determination I have not felt in quite a long time.
My mom and dad worked full time, but we always had meals on the table, family time, vacations, fun days, they came to my track meets, basketball games and music recitals.  They were always there because they had prioritized and made it important. I can too, and I will.
so today starts the first day of forever.
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