My diet...for the millionth time.

www.my-calorie-counter.com The webs free Diet Tracker

I have been working hard to lose weight. i finally got serious when I caught glance of myself in a mirror at school and realized just how awful I looked. It doesnt matter how many cute haircuts I get, or the great new color I have, or the nice french tip nails or pedicures, if I look like humpty dumpty I am going to feel bad about myself. If my joey pouch is a dunlap (it's done lapped over my belt) I get mad and then binge eat to hide my depression.

I realize I eat in the following situation:

• anger
• depression
• financial worries
• Peter stress
• school stress
• social setting

So looking at this list it is like 90% of my day.

So I have set a goal and am sticking to it. I am keeping track of what I eat. I am keeping track of exercise.

I have taped up pictures of skinny me to the fridge and cabinets, so when I am tempted to reach for a snack I see them and realize what I am working for.

A huge problem was going out to eat. At school I woulf go out to eat instead of bringing my lunch. It is kind of hard to lose weight eating chinese and chick fil-a and wendys and Bojangles every day.

So I have started bringing my lunch...and only bringing my drivers license with me. No cash, no credit cards. So i cant go out to eat even if I wanted as I have no money with me. I cant even go to the vending machine, which has ZERO healthy options. When I go out to eat with friends I will tell them that I am on a diet and need them to help me find something healthy to eat. I will ask for a box at the start of a meal and immediately put half of it away for leftovers and only eat a healthy portion size.

It has forced me to think about what I should be eating. I have to wake up a little earlier every day to make my lunch. I have to keep the fridge stocked with healthy fruits and vegetables and smart snacks.

I dont have a ton of time to get to the YMCA every day, so once this bronchitis moves out I will be back early mornings. (I jumped on the trampoline yesterday...mistake. I am not quite ready for strenuous lung exercise yet)

So i have a list of activities I can do when I am feeling angry or depressed or sad etc.

I only eat at the kitchen table now, instead of in front of the TV or while at the computer playing games. I am trying to deprogram myself from mindless eating.

I know it is all about moderation and exercise and is a complete lifestyle change. I just need to reach down deep inside and find that motivation. I need to embrace this change completely so I can be the best me ever. so I can look back and think that my 30s were way better than my 20s. That I was happier and healthier and sexier than the old me.

So I am off to look at my gorgeous bathing suit picture from 15 years ago, which has a prominent featured place on the freezer, which is where I keep the ice cream, and find that strength to be the new and improved Sarah.

Of course.

so I get up at 630 this morning to work out. I had it all planned out. I would wake up, come downstairs before my kids and do Pilates.
a few years back I purchased the Windsor Pilates off of some infomercial. I mean, Daisy Fuentes uses it and look how great her body is. However I used it about 5 times and shelved it to be forgotten.
I have been having lower back pain and heel pain and every night I go to bed and my legs are burning. I need a REALLY great stretch to loosen up to help alleviate all of these things.
I was actually looking forward to it. I really was.
I get dressed in my yoga pants and cute T-shirt, head downstairs and pull out my (dusty) Pilates DVD. I Open the case and one of the disks is missing.
I have Disk One, which is a 29 minute DVD on Pilates basics, showing you the moves etc.
I have the accelerated fat burning workout for those who dont have a lot of time. But the actual 20 minute workout DVD is gone. i cannot find it anywhere.
so I think to myself, well I can at least do the basics video, maybe get a few stretches in.
Oh no. Apparently that is not part of the plan. The basics DVD is all scratched and dented and the very center is cracked and broken.
So here I am, awake, trying to do the right thing by exercising and the fates are against me.
I thought I would go out and jump on the trampoline, but it had rained so it is all wet. Plus my kids are up and they would want to jump with me and I would get no peace.

Now that I am up maybe I will just go to the YMCA and work out.
I have about 9 weeks until I go to the Caribbean and am forced to snorkel in a swimsuit. If that is not motivation I dont know what is. But then I have to find my good workout shoes and socks, I have to find my MP3 Player, I have to get my water bottle blah blah blah.
I guess i am just finding excuses. But I really had it in my head to do some pilates.
I will have to run to Target today and pick up a new DVD.

Maybe I will just go back to bed...