Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dancing With The Stars Lineup

ABC has announced the new season of Dancing with the Stars. It starts on Monday, September 22nd and this lineup is AWESOME.

Starting the Lineup is LANCE BASS. This former N*SYNC member shockedthe world when he came out of the closet in 2006.(By "the world" I mean absolutely no one. I mean were we REALY that surprised??) He will be partnered with newcomer Lacey Schwimmer. If he is anything like Joey, then we wont be saying "bye bye bye" to him any time soon. Sorry, I couldnt resist that glaringly obvious pun.(yeah it sucked, I apologize) I dont know how well he will do though. Just because you were once part of the world famous boy band, does not mean you will get anywhere far. I mean Look at JC Chasez...

Up first for the Ladies is TONI "Unbreak my heart" BRAXTON...Having more fun in the shower than any human being should have. Have you ever tried to find a picture of this woman fully clothed?? sheesh. 6-time grammy winner and mother of two, this 40 million world wide albums sold phenomenon is still smokin hot. She may get points for how good she looks in those skimpy outfits. She will be paired with Alec Mazo.

ROCCO DISPIRITO, chef semi-extrordinaire will be dancing with Karina Smirnoff. Hope she likes ho hum Italian Fusion cuisine.
Rocco is a "celebrity chef" and cookbook author, who had more troubles than what it was worth on the NBC reality Show "The restaurant". He sure seems to have a lot of "Creative differences" with the people he works with (read: he is a pain in the butt)
But Karina can reel him in. She is one tough cookie. She had to put up with Mario Lopez for so long, she can put up with anything.

Our next Lady is none other than B-lister BROOKE BURKE! Mother of 4 and a staple for FHM, Maxim and Blender magazines, this woman has a hard time keeping her clothes on as well. I bet her partner Derek Hough wont mind, just hope Shannon Elizabeth keeps tight reign on him!
Crack that whip shannon. keep your man interested in YOU. Recently Brooke has started her own business called "Baboosh Baby" which offers wraps to pregnant women. I dont know what that means, but if i wear one will I have a body like that too???

World fastest man MAURICE "MO" GREEN is another contender for the men. Olympic medal winner and world Champion, His partner Cheryl Burke will possibly lead him to another victory and her 3rd mirror ball trophy. Will Cheryl be able to keep her hands to herself this season?? we will see. (If not his girlfriend may come down to the dance studio and whack Cheryl with Case #1 (she is one of the deal or no deal models). I would PAY to see that.)Can his fancy footwork on the track convert to the dancefloor??

Our next "star", KIM KARASHIAN, is famous for (as E! Entertainments "The Soup" would say)having a big a** and a sex tape. They also say that her sisters are "dead behind the eyes". Her stepdad is Bruce Jenner. oh Bruce, how the mighty have fallen. She is also one of the stars on the E! Reality show 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians".
She will be dancing with young stud, and last years winning pro Mark Ballas. She too has had a little stint with Playboy, and needs to learn to keep her clothes on. Look at that Tush!! You could set a table on that bad boy.

ahhh the hair, Those eyes! He is sooo sensitive and brooding. Disney Teen sensation CODY LINLEY from the Hannah Montana juggernaut.(and Cheetah Girls 2...and Suite life of Zach and Cody...and Thats so Raven...)
Although he wont be a teen much longer, he turns 20 in November.
He gets to dance with uber sweet Julianne Hough, his dream come true.
Can she bring him along for her 3rd victory??

CLORIS"Frau Blucher" LEACHMAN, The oldest woman alive , will be contending for that famed mirrorball with partner Corky Ballas. Corky is young stud Mark Ballas' dad and world Champion Dancer.
Cloris has been in everything from Young Frankenstein to My Little pony to Facts of Life to Malcom in the Middle. If there has been a Movie made or a TV series produced, odds are she has been in it. After all she has been around since the invention of the television!
Is this show safe for an 82 year old woman?? I'm betting she gets the axe

TED MCGINLEY, also known as the man who has been on every TV show ever produced. He was on Happy Days, Love boat, dynasty, Married with Children, Hope and Faith, Sports Night, West Wing and Til Death. He has been in all of the Revenge of the Nerds movies and even has Pearl Harbor and Waynes World 2 listed in his resume. I like him. He seems like a nice guy.
This 50 year old still looks good and I predict will cut a rug with newbie Inna Brayer this season. Not sure if he is willing material, but I bet he will give it his all!

SUSAN "25th times the charm" LUCCI will be attempting to win the coveted prize by dancing with temperamental Tony Dovolani.
Susan Lucci is best known as Diva Erica Kane on All My Children,Home Shopping Network darling and Emmy's most slighted Woman.
This 61 year old is still feisty, so dont count her out! IF she can last 38 years on the same soap opera then she can dance circles around those youngsters!!

Ultimate D-bag JEFFREY ROSS will be dancing with my favorite Edyta Sliwinska. She has the world greatest legs. I would KILL for her legs. She is glorious...although i could do without all the Pocahontas headbands she wears. i WISh they would have paired her with someone who has a chance of winning. She deserves that mirror ball trophy. she is the only pro who has been on all seasons. she NEEDS that trophy.
jeffrey is known as "the meanest man in hollywood". He is a roastmaster. Yes, thats what he does. His job is to make fun of people. I wish that were my job. I think I could do it.

Back to back Beach VolleyBall Gold Medalist MISTY MAY TREANOR rounds out the women.
She is the reason i will watch this season. If she can kick butt on the dancefloor as well as she does on sand, watch out fools!
I Love Misty May. She is so strong and powerful and athletic. I really hope she does well and I am happy to see her in the Lineup.
She will be dancing this season with Stud muffin Maksim "No way you're outgayin' me this time bro'"Chmerkovskiy. I think people in the audience should kick sand at her and chant USA USA USA.
Big Bad voodoo daddy WARREN SAPP brings it home for the men. This massive defensive tackle is a pro bowl veteran and super bowl champ.
His partner is none other than Australian barbie Doll Kym Johnson.
I am betting that Warren is more agile than he looks. Those football players end up being surprisingly good dancers.
Earlier this year sapp retired from the oakland radiers and is now on TV as a commentator.
Dont mess around with this bad boy, he'll break you in half.
So dont forget to watch MONDAY September 22nd for season 7 of Dancing With the Stars on ABC. I am sure this will be their BEST SEASON YET!
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