Finn's birth story

Today is my baby boys 5th birthday. I can hardly believe it.

I was induced at 40 weeks (let me rephrase. i FORCED them to induce at 40 weeks). a few days previous I had gone in for my weekly appointment.

"any contractions?" (No)

"Any Cramping?" (No)

The exam revealed that I was at a 0 with 0% effaced. I was tight as lid on a new jar of pickles. I was due August 3rd. It was August 6th.

I grabbed the doctor by the shirt collar and tie, pulled him towards me and said "GET...THIS...THING...OUT..OF...ME!" He backed up against the wall "Nurse! Nurse! Security!"

Ok i made that up. But I did say "I cannot take it any longer, you have GOT to get this little fool out of me. He runs around in there 24/7/ He never sleeps, I have sciatic nerve pain, I am tired, I am huge. I cant do this any more. This is my 3rd child and I am at my wits end. When can you induce?" He looked at me and weighed his options. If he said no, he had 4 steps to make it to the door...did he dare risk it? He was kind of an older fellow, and a pregnant lady on a rampage is no joke. Common sense prevailed.

"How about tomorrow?"

So we went in on August 7th, and they started me on a special concoction to get my labor kickstarted. And boy did they.

It was miserable all night, and then the next morning they cranked up the Pitocin. The contractions were off the charts and I had no medication to help me through it. I wanted to get through it as naturally as I could. They called in the Anesthesiologist to give me an epidural at 5pm and finally (and mercifully) broke my water at a 3-4 cm. I had labored hard and long and was only at a 4.

I told the doctor" Dont go far, he will be here in 15 minutes". The Dr, thinking he knew more about birthing babies than I knew about ME birthing MY OWN babies kind of scoffed.

"You are only at a 4. You have a few hours" and he sailed out of the room.

"Dont say I didnt warn you!" I yelled after his backside and bald spot.

20 minutes later I was pushing, my epidural barely having time to work. Finn was a "sunny side up" baby, meaning he was born face up instead of face down. I had to push HARD to get him out. But thankfully, as a dr once told me "You are built for having babies".(read: cow) So I was lucky and only had about 5 pushes worth...but I had to push extra hard.

The British Nazi nurse tried to give me an episiotomy, but I held her back with a crucifix, garlic and holy water. "well", she said in her snooty Liverpool accent, "If you would would rather tear, be my guest". Yes I would rather tear than you cutting my va jay jay open with scissors you sadist!

The Dr sailed in just in time to catch him as he fell onto the table.

"I TOLD you not to go very far" as I said smugly.

"Yes, now shut up" as he sticthed up the little tear.

"I TOLD you I didnt need an episiotomy" I gloated at the British Nurse Nazi.

"Yes, now shut up" she said as she started poking and prodding and yanking out my epidural.

"So tell me, was it really worth it to have an epidural for only 30 minutes?", she asked condiscendingly.

"YES!" I practically screamed at her. "It gave me a chance to rest. I had been doing hard natural induced labor for 23 hours with no sleep. Gave me time to not have to think and I was able to relax a little before having to do the hard work".

She stomped out of the room in a huff, obviously condeming me to hell for requesting medication, her passive agressive contempt not garnering the results she had hoped.

But Charles Finn McBride was a beautiful baby. My first words as they put him on my chest was "He looks just like Peter!".(he was a tad smaller than peter by an inch and 1/2 a pound)

8lbs, 20" long.

The Liverpool Vampire sailed back in and immediately tried to get him to nurse. Finn did not take kindly to it.

She said I was doing it wrong. Finn still did not take kindly to it. They brought in a lactation specialist. Finn STILL did not take kindly to it. At one point it was hurting so bad and the vampire chippy said to me "Oh come on, it cant hurt that bad".

Lady if I didnt have a diaper on I would totally jump across the room and b-slap you right now.

We had a parade of visitors(we had a family reunion going on at the same time. I opted to have a baby, rather than attend.). Cousins, aunt and uncles. Thay all declared Finn "just precious".

We went home 24 hours later(insurance kicks us out you know) and here we are 5 years later!!

Finn you are my sunshine. You alwaya make me happy. You have such a joy and zest for life. you wear your emotions so close to the surface. You express joy and laughter and just make me so glad that I am your mom . You are so smart and funny and my special guy. I am so proud of you! You are starting Kindergarten this year and it makes me happy, yet at the same time a little said. I wont have you around to keep me company during the day and wont have you around to make me laugh.

I LOVE YOU FINN FINN!!