Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Happy Birthday Corey Feldman

When I was 11, 12 an 13 I had the HUGEST crush on Corey Feldman. He was just my favorite person in Hollywood. I saw all of his movies, I recorded every single Entertainment tonight piece that may have even mentioned his name, I watched MTV all day to see the Video "Baby you can Drive my Car" just to see him. My walls and doors were PLASTERED with every magazine page from Tiger beat, 16, Bop etc. I had pictures of his crazy side, his sensitive side, his meloncholy side.(I mean look at that picture. How could any tween during Corey Mania resist that mug??) I had all the articles about him, I knew his favorite color, I knew he didnt eat meat(That was OK, I could eat my steak in private) I was OBSESSED. If anyone joked about him, made fun of him, talked bad about him, I was his #1 staunchest defender. Nobody crossed Sarah on Corey Feldman Rampage. And for those girls that were the Corey Haim girls. Pfft, hand to the face.

Then 1990 rolled around, Newsies was released in theaters and my new obsession was born. Christian Bale. I am still a diehard Balehead to this day, and he is still #1 on my list.
I am sorry Corey, I just outgrew you, but thanks for the memories! ( and thanks for not responding to the 15 letters I wrote to you, thus breaking my 12 year old heart. I will bill you for THAT therapy session.)
I wonder what happened to all my posters??

ANYWAY onto my REAL story
As many of you know Charles has two colors. uber white and lobster red.
yesterday at work they were outside all day. ALL DAY! It was a nice sunny day with a deceptively cooling breeze. With a breeze you always think "Oh hey, this isnt bad, I'll be fine!". You never think about the UV index or the suns scorching rays when there is a nice breeze to keep you somewhat comfortable. You cant feel the sun searing your flesh when the wind is gently blowing your hair and keeping your pits dry.
It wasnt pretty.
Charles came home and was a GLOWING Neon Red. All he needs are rubber bands around his hands and can go join his comrades on someones plate at Red Lobster. YOWZA.
His face is so burned his skin is puffy and his eyes are practically swollen shut. His skin is tight and shiny and red.

Luckily being a balm maker I had some pure aloe butter I scooped out and shmeared all over his visage. It seemed to help a little bit and now his skin is as smooth as a baby's butt!!
But thanks to his adventure without sunscreen, he has a new nickname.
So, please to enjoy Red and Nerdy's sunburn. This picture hardly does it justice You have to see it in person to appreciate the "Glow". Even his lips are sunburned.

Maybe I can call him "Old Glory". He has the red sunburned face, and the rest of his body is still super white, and the blue eyes. He isnt a human being, he is an American flag masquerading as a salesman! Do I have to take off my hat and put my hand over my heart when he walks by??
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