Monday, December 1, 2008

Lindsey, thou art hilarious

So my BF Lindsey is a genius.
Remember the Potato Chip shaped like Illinois on e-bay a few months back that caused all the commotion in the media?
She has it topped, by a longshot.
And I fully expect to see her on the news, ET, Inside Edition, Extra, and The Soup.

Here is the full story. courtesy of Lindsey Aramburu:

"I'm a chocoholic, I admit it. I'm also over 30, and I've heard that's when the female body starts to produce its own fat (Which, by the by, I consider to be extremely unfair. We women have to deal with the other fairly provoking female internal workings, PLUS grow and push out the babies! Harumph.)
One fine day not too long ago, I was seized by the immediate need for chocolate. I'm sure you other chocoholics empathize. In an attempt to stay somewhat reasonably proportioned, (and having also heard that if you must ingest chocolate, peanut M&M's are a wise choice due to a lower fat and higher protein content) I purchased a large "tear 'n share" bag of peanut M&M's. (Did I plan to share? Not remotely! My kids stand the chance of losing phalanges if they stick their chubby fingers within reach of my gnashing teeth while I'm consuming chocolate.) These particular M&M's also happened to be pink Susan G. Komen M&M's, which made me feel even more sanctimonious about my choice. I'm supporting those who do not support breast cancer! I am great!
I happily sat down on the couch to enjoy my treat while watching the latest episode of "America's Next Top Model" (don't judge me). Suddenly, I noticed something strange about the M&M I had just extracted from the bag. It had a...protuberance. Upon further inspection, I discovered that the M&M looked incredibly like...like a boob. A breast. A mammary. It had an areola. And what looked just like a nipple. Was this a joke? Were all of the pink Susan G. Komen M&M's like this and I just had not noticed in my satiated chocoholic haze? I checked the other M&M's. None of the others had this anomoly.
I quickly read the package. Had I won something? Was this like Willy Wonka's Golden Ticket? Were they going to pay for me to get a boob job by one of the Dr. 90210's? No. It said nothing on the package about finding the boob M&M. I pondered my choices. I could do the obvious, which was eat it. On the other hand, what if that lady had eaten the grilled cheese Virgin Mary sandwich? She'd never have been able to buy herself an 8-person hot tub. (I'm not sure she did, but that's what I'd buy.)
After much introspection, I felt it incumbent upon me to share my discovery with the world, or at least with the English-speaking population who logs onto Ebay and looks up the weird and unusual.
So here you have it. What does it mean, you ask? That, my friends, is for each man or woman to decide for themselves.
And by the way, I expect highest congratulations regarding my own self-control for not consuming the M&M."

You can bid on this gloriousness here.

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