Monday, January 19, 2009

Laws of the Universe

I received this as an email from Lindsey the other day.
I was reading through and making a mental checklist of each Law that has pertained to me in my life.
nearly all. especially Browns Law about the shoe. Since I am a size 12 and nothing seems to fit, it seemed especially fitting.(har har) My comments are in red.

LAWS
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. (triple check on that one!)

Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (Also works at the grocery store)

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.(Even if the phone has not rung all day. The second you are in that tub...boom)

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. (this one rears its ugly head nearly twice a week in my life)

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.(I have daily conversations with people who live by this law)

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. (YES YES YES!)

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

I would like to add my own. THE LAW OF THE "FART". Your shoe or chair makes a tooting noise you will not ever be able to replicate said tooting sound to prove you did not pass gas in public.
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