Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Summer number crunching

Schools out for summer. I have both kids home with me all day every day for the next 10.5 weeks.

By the end of this summer I plan to be 30 pounds lighter and 6 shades darker.

I will have gone to Chattanooga, Tennessee and Virginia Beach, Virginia, all in all a total of 1500 miles and 4 tanks of gas, spending an average of $58.35 per tank of gas.

I will have kicked my kids out of the house 1,972 times and heard "Im bored, when can we go to the pool?" 4,352 times.

I will have yelled at Finn "Turn off that hose, don't you know we're in the middle of a drought!"an average of 9,310 times.

I will have to buy 3 new pairs of goggles, as the kids will have left out the old pairs for the dogs to chew up. And every time I will say "This is the LAST pair I am buying, do you understand me??"

I will cook out hot dogs and hamburgers on my new grill 27 times and every time swear it is the last. "It is just too hot outside to be standing over a propane grill. so enjoy these hot dogs and hamburgers because I am never doing it again!"

I will run to the mailbox barefoot 72 times, cursing and jumping and ooh oohh ahh ahhh every step of the way

I will then get yelled at 5 times by the lady I will get my pedicures from for having dried, burnt skin on the bottom of my feet.

I will have an average of 4 different toenail colors throughout the summer and 3 different hair colors, depending on the strength of the chlorine in the pool and the help of the sun.

I will burn through 3 pairs of cheap flip flops 2 beach totes and 4 cans of spray on sunscreen

I will make fun of 122 people at the pool

450 people will make fun of me

I will have the air conditioner running 24 hours a day 7 days a week and have an electric bill of $200 a month.

We will burn through 50 frozen otter pops and 1 watermelon a week

I will step outside and say "ahhh, it is so hot!" 982 times then shake my hands, stick out my tongue and immediately feel sticky and gross.

I will yell at my kids "Shut that darn door! We are not air conditioning the neighborhood!" 9,522 times and with each time think to myself "I just sounded like my mother".

I will shave my legs 150 times, which is 4 times as much as they get done the rest of the entire year combined.

I will go through 3 bottles of moisturizing lotion, 2 bottles of aloe skin repair for sunburn and 2 tubes of cellulite firming cream.

By the end of the summer I will have purchased 6 pairs of kids sandals/aqua socks/shoes, 4 new pairs of swim trunks, and an average of 10 pairs of shorts and 16 new T shirts.

My food Bill will double as the summer brings out growing boys and appetites of elephants.

This summer Peter will turn 8.

This summer Finn will turn 5.

This summer I will turn 32.( My one consolation is that LINDSEY and DAWN got there first!!)

So all in all this summer will be pretty good. If I can just keep a grip on the math, I think I will survive!


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