how clean is your house

Ok I dont have much time. In fact I have to haul bootie this morning.

Tonight we are going to a teacher appreciation activity at our church. Tomorrow morning I will be packing, picking up Charles suit from the Alteration Shop, steaming it, shaving my legs, and driving up to Chapel Hill for the Gala at UNC Childrens Hospital. It is a swanky black tie fundrising gala and since Peter is the new ambassador we get to go for free. The menu looks AMAZING!
We will be home Sunday afternoon at which time my in laws are stopping by for a visit of undetermined length.

I am frantic, stressed, sweaty and stinky. I need to clean the bathrooms, change sheets, take out the trash, and go grocery shopping.

I have my mother calling and harassing me "Is your house clean? Dont want people to know you live in a pigsty".

My mother is a clean freak. You can eat off of her floors. Seriously.
When I was growing up we would have to clean the house BEFORE the maid got there. Isnt that kind of their job?? To clean the house? So why do I have to clean everything before they come and clean? You are paying them all this money to sit around and PRETEND to clean!

I cant ever invite my mom over to my house. She always finds invisible dust and makes me feel like a slovenly bum who lives in filth. Onetime she actually showed up on my doorstep with a bucket, mop and million cleaning chemicals. She scrubbed and cleaned and swept and vacuumed... and left the house looking exactly as it looked when she arrived.
She is constatly buying me mops(because the mop I have doesnt work properly apparently), cleaning supplies(ignoring my preference for green and earth friendly cleaning solutions) and giving me hints and tips on how to maximize my cleaning prowess.

now, I DO have a fairly clean and neat house. but she will find the ONE piece of lint on the carpet and point the finger as if to say "J'accuse!" She always manages to come over after the kids have been playing and scattered their toys across the rooms. She doesnt realize that I dont follow them around and pick up everything as soon as it hits the ground. Eventually it will all get tidied up and put away. It isnt that big of a priority for me to have a spotless house and "everything in it's place" 24/7. As long as I go to bed with a tidy house and can wake up with a tidy house I am fine.
Whenever we have people coming over(such as therpists or teachers etc) she will always make a comment like "I hope your house is clean, dont want them turning you into DSS"(dept of Social Services)

So my to do list is a million miles long, so I guess I had best get started. Dont want DSS coming to take my kids away for living in "squalor".

sheesh.