Dear....(an open letter to various people in the express line at the grocery store)

Dear Person at the front of the line in the express Checkout at the Grocery Store....

Do you see the BIG RED SIGN that says EXPRESS LANE? You see how it says 20 items OR LESS?? That means dont take your shopping cart through it with 48 items. Thats right, I counted. There are 6 of us waiting in line with 1 or 2 items while you hold us all up with your 48 items because you dont feel like waiting in another line. Apparently YOUR time is more valuable than MY time. You made me so angry I almost had a stroke right there in the middle of the store. 20 itmes or less means 1 through 20 items. I would let you get away with 21 or 22, thats fine. But 48?? Come one now, you think we wouldnt notice. i wont tell you what the lady behind me said about you under her breath...


Dear Lady standing in front of me in the express line at the grocery store....

Please quit standing there and browsing through the magazines and books like it is a public library. Please pay attention to the line in front of you and move accordingly. Oh and tell your son that if he swings that dowel rod around me one more time I will take it from him and break it over my knee and whip him with it. He is old enough to know that Dowel rods are NOT nunchukas, batons, "pokey" sticks, light sabers etc. Honestly, why do you let him carry that thing around, it's a grocery store? He has to be what, 10? You know better, and so does he. But I guess you are too engrossed in the whole Jen Aniston/John Mayer dating story than to pay attention to the menace with a dowel rod you brought along.


Dear person with only 1 item in the express line...

Just because you have one item and i have three, that does not give you priority over me so please do not ask if you can cut in front of me. i dont care if you only need to buy just one thing of cat food. I need to buy just this one thing of juiceboxes, and these 2 boxes of granola bars for my kids lunches. i dont care that you have a meeting in 10 minutes and need to get through the line quicker. Talk to 48 items in his cart, or dowel rod menace to society magazine browser, Not me.

Dear person who is in line....

do not get in line to hold a place because the line looks long and you do not want to wait. Don't send off your child or significant other to get what you need. They always take longer than expected and you hold up the line with "sorry, we forgot one thing, he's getting it now". Bologna. I saw you get in line to hold a place and send them off. If you TRULY forgot one thing, fine, but I know the truth, don't you lie to me!

Dear Cashier in the express lane....

i understand you are tired. i understand that you are old. I understand you only took this cashier job to get away from your husband who has just retired and is driving you crazy. I understand you have to deal with idiots all day, but you REALLY need to get your game on and get your act together. Do not ring up the person behind me with my stuff because you werent paying attention. Dont wait until the last minute to realize you need change then buzz the overly worked and harassed supervisor. And for heavens sake please dont ring me up for the market bag I bought there LAST MONTH.

Dear store who owns and operates the express line...

You guys need to do a better job of cracking down on the rule breakers(48 items and line holder). You need to have more than one express lane open during peak hours. By the time I got into line I had 3 people in front of me(48 items, dowel rod menace and a law abiding consumer) then i had 2 people behind me. By the time I got to the front and paid for my 3 items there were (HONEST 8 people in line) It was a continuous long line of people and more were coming. Your self checkouts were full AND had lines(but thats another rant for another day) and the 2 other lanes you had open had lines with full buggies. You need to open more lines and express lines. I know you have plenty of cashiers and baggers I see them milling around. Apparently they all go on break together? You need to do a better job scheduling breaks and shifts, having more open lanes during peak shopping hours and training your employees to break kneecaps for the rule breakers!


sincerely,

Sarah