Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Oh Poop

I had a previous post about why I will never win a mother of the year award (something about a photoshoppd picture and telling my 4 year old we already went to disney world)
Now let me tell you why i SHOULD win one.

Poop.

One tiny word. One human by-product than can either make you or break you.

Saturday night 3am: "help. dad. help.dad. help. dad.daaaaad. heeeelllllppp!"
Charles gets out of bed and goes into the bathroom to find Finn COVERED in poop. And not a nice logger poop, but kind of that mushy soft sticky poop that gets everywhere. You could have patched a roof with it.
"Oh Crap" (literally) says hubby as he lifts finn into the shower. still mostly clothed.

I struggle to get my rear in gear and head into the bathroom and this is what I find.

1. Finn in a nightshirt and socks only, with poop all on his rear and legs, smeared on his socks and all over his nightshirt. I find toilet paper sticking to the poop and it is all over his hands and fingers. He is standing in the bathtub wondering what to do next, crying. He is almost 5 years old and has never had a poop accident. He has been potty trained for 2 1/2 years and never had a problem. He was just so embarassed. Apparently he was asleep and dreaming and pooped in his sleep. But he woke up, made it to the bathroom and tried to clean it up himself as best he could. i am really thankful that he had the presence of mind to call us in before things got much worse.

2. I find his soiled underwear on the tile floor, poop down(is poopy underwear like buttered bread?) I pick up the underwear and leave a glob of poo on the floor. It is in the grout, on the rug, smeared on the toilet seat and wall, just everything is covered in poop.

3.Charles, green around the gills, holding it in before he gags. On a related side note, charles and I have an unspoken agreement. He gets barf, I get poop. He handles barf WAY better than poop, whereas I handle poop so much better than barf. It is a nice arrangement. Except at 315 am when i am tired and grouchy.

So Charles goes off to make sure there is no poop footprints or anyhting on the bed sheets etc. He brings me up the all purpose cleaner and disinfectant. I clean up the surroundings as best I can, wipe it down and spray my tea tree oil mixture to kill the germs.
I undress finn, getting more poop on him in process. I threw away his underwear as I refuse to wash any kind of stuff like that. I would rather buy a new pack of underwear than deal with cleaning his old ones out.

Charles takes out the trash to the outside bin as I give Finn a shower and get all the poop cleaned off. I got it out from under his fingernails and bellybutton. I got it off his legs, thighs, feet, ankles, tushie etc. Thank goodness for a hand held showerhead! I put him at the back of the tub, bent him over and let the showerhead and its various settings do all the work. Surprisingly it was a lot harder than I thought. That stuff was stubborn and sticky! But I finally got it off, pulled him out and dried him off, and sent him back to bed. It was 335.
I did a quick rinse of the tub and sprayed it down with cleaner and disinfectant. I got back to bed at 345.
I was awake pretty much the rest of the morning.
So in honor of Poop, here is one of the funniest moments in Scrubs history: Everything Comes Down to Poo


So I may torture my kids with fake vacations, but I also get up in the middle of the night and clean up poop.

1 point going to hell
3 points good mom!
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